XH just left the house, so I wanted to journal about our interaction today.
XH had offered to help clean out my gutter and fix a light fixture in my laundry room. About a 1/2 hour before he was due to arrive, XH phoned to say his lunch date (with his racquetball buddies) had been close to his mother's Alzheimers care facility and did I mind if he stopped to see her for 30 minutes before coming over? XH asked if I was on a timeline and needed him to come over at the original time instead. I said "No problem".
XH arrived at the re-arranged time. When he arrived I was in the process of walking out to the garage (didn't know he was there). He was talking on his cell phone to someone about a big music festival north of town. When he hung up he explained to me that he had been talking to one of his employees who is at the festival this weekend..........I thought he was talking to someone like that based on the content of their convo.......So XH made a point of clarifying that he was not talking to a close friend on his cell phone.
When XH came into the house he sat down at the kitchen table. I knew that XH had become a fan of eating olive oil and bread recently. A couple days ago I had heard about a local olive oil and vinegar specialty store, so I went there and bought small samples of several gourmet oils, vinegar, and salts. I had them sitting on the kitchen table and they caught XH's eye. I offered him samples of several of them and gave him a business card for the place. He seemed to enjoy that.
After that we went to the laundry room so XH could look at the light fixture. He fixed it!!!!!! (YEAH!!!) He IS amazing that way. I said "You are SO amazing at fixing things. I always said that about you". ......and that is true. XH reminds me of my father......very handy....and I used to tell him that.......don't know whether he heard me say those things while we were married though........
Next we went to clean out the gutters. XH put the ladder up against the house and started in cleaning out the gutters like this was his own house. He did a FANTASTIC job and I am really grateful. There are gutter guards on the gutters (that H/XH put on ~4 years ago). Several of these had become dislodged; he spent a lot of time fixing them and cleared away dirt that had accumulated in the gutters. He also jumped up on top of the sunroom roof and swept off branches and leaves, just like he would do if it was his own home. I held the ladder and ran for tools.
Most of our communication occurred while XH was up on the ladder. Main points were: (1) XH said his hardcore biker friend may be visiting from out of state to go biking with him and another friend. I offered to loan XH my brand new very nice bike. XH said "That would be nice. Thank you". (2) XH said when he leaves town for 4-5 days his mother becomes a bit belligerent. I said that if he needed to travel again I would be happy to visit his mother if he wants me to. XH said thank you, that would be really nice.
The most substantive exchange came when XH talked about a racquetball buddy (RBB) who recently D'ed his wife. XH said RBB had lied to his wife about some of his accomplishments and also was doing things that he wasn't honest with her about. When she found out she went ballistic. RBB then D'ed his wife. I said to XH "I have a lot of respect for the way you handled yourself throughout our situation. You conducted yourself with integrity". XH didn't really respond to that, but I know that he heard me. I planted the seed. Then I said "People just need to find their own way (in life)".
Altogether, XH was at the house about 2 1/2 hours. I have to admit that I feel a bit frustrated because we didn't have much face-to-face time. Most of the time was spent with him up on the ladder and me holding the ladder. Just as he was finishing up with the gutters, XH said without warning "I need to get going". He didn't tell me where he was going, so I'm left thinking he's going off to his new life, but based on our interactions I don't think this life involves anyone special at this point. We rushed into the house, he wiped himself off and grabbed his stuff. I cut the heart out of a watermelon I had waiting on the counter and gave it to him in a little container. I heard a little "Mmmmmmm" from him and we both dashed out to his car.
SUMMARY: All in all I'd say this was a positive interaction, although we were working, not playing. In the future I need to make sure to introduce fun into our interactions. I think there were a number of positives in our interaction today. My H (the responsible guy I fell in love with) showed up today (YEAH!!!!!!!!). XH also said that he should come back and move my patio light so that I can change the bulb more easily, so he is thinking about doing another nice thing for me.........not just bartering favors. .........another positive thing. One of XH's LL is acts of service (AOS). Most importantly, I got to plant the seed that I have respect for how XH has conducted himself.
Sorry for the long post. Just putting this all down so that I can remember.
