I'd like to think that my relationship was a special snowflake, and that all I needed to do was keep doing what got me here. But for me IT OBVIOUSLY ISN'T WORKING. And more of the same isn't working either. For example, that retarded note I gave her. Sure, she liked it. But it also reminded her of how broken our M is right now. It did nothing to change her feelings except to remind her of the state of our relationship. NOTHING I DO IS GOING TO CHANGE THAT.
The only thing I can change is how I act; I can't change my feelings, just need to accept them, and keep them from controlling my actions.
My values are that I want to be a good father. A good man. A good husband. I have to put the last on the backburner now.
Being a good father is going to be easy for me. Being a good man, will be harder; it means being kind to my W, being nice, being loving when appropriate. Accepting her feelings and emotions without trying to control them. Accepting that my emotions may be pain, loneliness, hurt, anger, but not letting them stop me from ACTING the way I want to.
I have to accept that God's plan for me will work out. That my faith will protect me. That God will look out for my wife when I cannot.
