Ok, interesting week--nice-enough H is still here so THAT'S good!
S started band camp and I was dreading what I would tell the other band moms/dads. We have all become friendly throughout the year and H and I have been having a lot of fun working concession and being chaparones to the kids, etc.
So I had a couple of my closest friends ask me quite innocently how was my summer and I flashed my ringless finger at them--they were SHOCKED. I am glad they didn't know--I was worried S14 was writing things on Facebook, but apparently not.
So I explained we were having trouble (only told them it was since beginning of summer, not since last NOVEMBER pretty much--but it did escalate this summer) and they were so sweet and great and the one told me a LONG tale of her H and her and how she almost left him--and the thing she really made me realize is how I need to emphasize that he is doing this to me AND his S. She ultimately didn't leave because she did get therapy, but also she realized her H would find someone else pretty quick and he wasn't a bad guy--just had his "guy faults". And her main priority is her S (she just has one like us).
Our sitch of course were different, in that it is my H leaving, so she said she had a KILLER L if I needed it.lol.
I have done much thinking and with the help of lurking over in the Infedelity boards I have come to the conclusion that I can do two things:
1. Provide a positive atmosphere at home while pushing for the things we need here--furniture, repairs, etc.
2. Play a bit of hardball and kick him out to realize what he will miss.
So I decided to do the first today--I had a talk with S about what I was doing today--that I would give H a choice of getting furniture as a family or that he would be there to tell BOTH of us "no, you don't deserve that" or whatever he usually says when it is just he and I. And that if he said no, S and I would go out and get furniture together today on our own, and I would be pushing for him to leave. With lots of "scripts" about abandoning us both, neglecting his family and home and then leaving the mess up to me, etc.
So I sat them both down, chit chatted about band and all needed for that, and then WHAM.lol. Long story short, not one bit of resistance and we are furniture shopping!!lol.
AND!! I got them both to HAPPILY clean up this house together! S did floors and I took care of office. We have all the dust EVERYWHERE from the new entrance to the office and it is all clean--yeah!
So now furniture is coming! And then I'll be moving on to the bathroom--I already said as much and he didn't bat an eye--I do have to keep S very, very involved but that is FINE--my S actually is really GOOD at color, and our taste is UNBELIEVABLY similar!!
