Long Distance Issues.....Possible WAW

[Dazed&Confused]

I'm not going to respond to the deadline. To be honest, i feel like she has shifted a lot of the divorce work onto me.

I do not want this divorce! Any suggestions on how to approach this subject when she brings up the lawyer? I want this marriage to work, but it is very apparent that she does not want to put in any work towards it.

I can't do this by myself, and I have done a "pretty" decent job of dropping the rope. I haven't brought R talk at all. We have talked about it twice, both times she brought it up. That got me to thinking. Nothing productive came out of either of those conversatons other than "this is how I truly feel. I truly feel that both of us will be better off in the end." That she has been trying, and is now not willing to try any longer. No reasons. It kills me.

I am ready to let her go if that is what she truely wants. Like I have heard on here so many times, who wants to be with someone who does not love them. It is just hard for me for me to give up on my family. Not just her, but sometimes I feel like I am giving up on myself and my kids too.

There are so many variables at stake, and I do not want to ruin my future because of false hope. I know dropping the rope, no R talk, continueing "as if" is all part of the plan. I can't help but to ask myself "what if she is waiting for me to fight for her". I know that it is a trap, and I try to remind myself of that, but nothing is changing.

If things continue at this pace, I will be divorced within two months. I know that it will be ultimately up to me to agree, and it really can't forward unless I do, but that sends me back to the "do you want to be with someone who doesn't love you" delinma. It sucks.

I can't cut her off from money because she has to take care of my kids. I can't ask her to move out because I am not even in my house. I can't ask her to work on our marriage because I'm not there. Is there anything that I CAN do? I do not see a way out of this, and this helplessness always seems to creep on me no matter what.

Deep down I know that I am not just losing my wife/BF, but I will be losing half of my kids lives. I know that I have said that a hundred times in this thread, but that is just unfathomable to me. And to top it off, it's not even my freaking decision.

Crunching number and working my budget has helped me pass the time, but it has also made my whole sitch that much more real. I am sorry for the doom and gloom. It just looks like it is one of those times for me right now.