She came by this AM to get the kids. She looked different. Didnt look sure. On the way out I asked if she wanted to keep the 5pm apt. She said whatever I wanted to do. I said if your not trying and 100% sure, there is no need to go. She said Ill let you know later. LOL I know its over but I have no doubt she is making a mistake. I think later, now I have backed off, I could revist this but I told her Im going on with my life and preparing to live it with out her. I said if u see u made a mistake before it final, just let me know. No one has served papers but everything is already worked out, its just a matter of filing and waiting.
Well this great counsler was not there for our last apt. LOL We argued bad while we thought he was running over in his previous apt, turns out he wasnt there. She talked a lot on the way home finally "answerng the whys" and not with IDK's. She actually said she loved me more than she let on but not like she did and that she thought she couldnt be happy with me. I found a note she wrote while waiting, saying she hoped I found someone who would treat me good, but she ripped it up, but i pieced it together. I asked her to delay the filing (sept 2010) to July 2011. She said she didnt want me to keep hurting. I said if she loved me like she said and she loves the kids why not wait and did she love us enough to do that? She said she loved us enough that wasnt the problem. I asked her to let me lead us in prayer ( she never would let me before ) she did tonight. I asked again about the delay, she said I dont know. I asked her if God could turn this around wouldnt it be great and she said yes. I asked to set up another apt with my pastor, she agreed. But said counsling sucked and was a waste and that she talked more in the van than in 4 sessions. So I called the Pastor and thats set up for the end of next week. I asked her to pray nightly and talked about turning her life over to God. She said she might pray. I told her that this could be God planting the seed at the last second. I called her back with the time of the apt and she said I still dont think this will change anything, but I said just pray about it and lets go see what happen. I purchased her a bible about a week ago. I think the counsler ( he got confused he has 3 offices and he was at the wrong one)not showing up actually helped. She has text me tonight chit chatting about the kids about 5 times. I just keep it simple and will shut my mouth until the apt. I will sent a verse by text nightly. When leaving my daughter said infront of my wife I hope mommy comes home. I just answered when you say your prayers tonight just asked God to help us and we will see what happens. I appericate your prayers and will keep u updated.I didnt expect this to happen tonight. Nothing changed but it was a peaceful moment.
Keep me posted how things turn out. You are lucky she even is attempting to try. My wife will not even communicate with me and is laughing behind my back she is having a phone freindship with a cop. I do not see any hope, I'm continuing my counseling as well as going to church and also a church support group for divorce.
Im having a hard time with the 180 though. Its been over two months since she first left and everyday seems to get worse. I'm going to really start leaning on god because him and my kids is all I have left. She took the younger kids and my visitations are limited yet until the court gets done with there investigation on what is best.
Hold your head up and it is a hell of a roller coast ride.
Mark
Me 36 WAW 24 S 4 D 2(My Kids/her step kids) S15,D14,S10,D11 Love you but not in love with you 6/8/2010 Left/Bomb 6/20/2010 D filed 6/23/2010 M 4 T 5 1/2
Hang in there Mark. Thats about about all we can do at this point. My plan and its the only one that will work is to just try and get my wife to turn to God. I found out yesterday that she starting trying to change her hours about a month ago. Thats was a huge problem in the marriage. I wonder why now!!! That hurt when she said that. She logged on my facebook act last night and sent a message saying she seen where a old high school friend happen to send me a message. Just talking about marriage problems in general. Then quickly she sent a text saying she was sorry that she checked it, and that I could "do what I want" and she was not jealous. And that we were over and I could "talk to her. That was werid. She know I wouldnt cheat. I think she was jealous. That was not the point, it was just someone concerned about my situation. The message talked about how I wanted to save my marriage. So all that happen after us talking about the lord. So I just said relax. Work on you, continue to pray, read your bible, lets go see Steve. I also said you dont know how you will feel in July, because u cant tell me how you will feel 10 mins from now. Just relax. Stick with the plan. I didnt hear anything back, until my 6 year old text me. So I have no idea what mood she will be in today. I wont see her again until Monday morning. I just plan to not talk about us, go on with my life and just try to get her to church. But not hound her over it. Ill have a good idea when we see Steve my pastor. That could get her thinking.
Well. Last night was interesting. Not sure how to take it. I took the kids bikes over to my wifes moms house. We walked around the block and had fun with the kids. When it was over we talked about throwing the kids birthday party, etc. After this we talked on and off the rest of the night. I asked a few questions and got some answers. Basicly in short I told her that all we are doing in going around in circles over and over. And that the only way we are going to know if she can be happy again is for her to come home sometime and try it. And she said that made sense. She also acknowledge this relationship derserves a scond chance. She acknowledge all the positives, we love each other,the kids would be happier, the things she didnt like have changed, etc. Then I said dont you think I derserve a 2nd chance, she said yes. I said with all that said then you know you "should" come home then at some point, she said I dont know. So I wrapped all this up with a text later that said I know you are hurting. I know you are down, very low. We all get there in life a one point or another. I am moving on to the next phase of getting you home. I want you home Dec 17th or before for Christmas. I cant keep getting down like I have been doing, becuase if I get down too, I cant help pull you up. Im just going to be gentile, loving and just here for you, because I have convinced you that all the other is legit and I dont have to keep pointing it out. I also said when you have a bad day, I have to look over what you say becuase when you have those days you are negative and talking about maybe filing. But when your calm, level headed you say we derserve a 2nd chance and know the positives. I just feel with 10 years and the kids and how much you know I love you and how you know Ill treat you and you still love me, the good side should win out. So we shall see. I hope the meeting with the pastor is encouraging for her. I think it will be. I hope it goes well and maybe we can see him every two weeks. She said she doesnt care to see our counsler anymore. My counsler said he wants to see me for "free" since he screwed up our "apt" thee other day. He wants to give me a plan. So just when I thought it was over, I think God planted a seed. Sounds like there is still good hope. What do you think??????????
Well.... You are not DBing. You are pursuing her and pressuring her. My guess is that if you keep it up, you will drive her away. I would not mind being wrong.
A lot of DBing is counter-intuitive. It doesn't feel right. But I would have to ask you to look at where doing it your way has gotten you so far.
You are not taking anyone's advice. You need to listen and do what you've been told b/c everything you've done is wrong. As long as you think you know more about what to do--then a counselor, pastor, or a support group can't help you.
When you are ready to keep your mouth shut and open your ears and are serious about learning...then you'll see changes, but until then...you are digging a deeper well.
If you simply want to come here to journal, then say so.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
So what should I do? Im counfused. Do I go to LRT or do I just not pressure and just let her stay gone and not ever talk about it? Since Im getting mixed message from good to bad what point is she at? And once I know that, then Ill know what to do? I am asking for advice on what she could be thinking. So just not pressure or go to LTR????????
no pressure, back way off, it is very tough but you are trying to control the situation. Let her decide when to discuss R, stop bringing up changes, have you read the book if you have you are not implementing the tactics.
We don't know what she is thinking. You don't know what she is thinking.
Read the book. Doing it your way has you on the brink. Why not try something different? It might not be LRT, but it sure isn't talking about the R every day.
