It's been a busy time. I've auditioned a few times at a local community theater over the past year.. and guess what? I have a role in an upcoming production. I'm so excited because since I was a child I've always wanted to act on stage but let fear.. of rejection, not being good enough.. sway me.. for children's theater, high school and college. And hello.. I'm doing it now!
Yesterday while talking to my mom about the latest round of the former spouse being difficult she pointed, "Sweetie, you've been dealing with this for years. It's time to move forward and on." And she's right. It's time to stop falling apart when he attacks or is unreasonable. Just deal with it and let it go. With that said I'm going to seek legal advice if he doesn't behave.
And.. my sis-in-law, the former spouse's sister, called me all atwitter last night. "They're pregnant, expecting a baby in January. That means when if this child goes straight through college, my brother will be 79 when he graduates!" She asked if the kids knew, etc.
I've always felt that kids need both parents. Even with their dad's scant contact, I didn't say disparaging remarks to them. I don't ask the kids about their conversations and interactions with their father but let them know I'm always available to listen if need be.
After the phone call, I talked to my daughter (now 16!) who told me that yes, her dad was having a baby and that she thought I knew. "Nope, nope, nope.. your dad and I lead separate lives. Just assume I don't know anything." She's very excited to have a future little sibling and has even started initiating more contact with her father. The older boys are a little in shock, since theoretically they could be fathers of the same time. I'm happy that expecting a baby improves at least one of the children's relationship with their father.
And I thought.. it's really none of my business. It really has no effect on my life. And I really didn't care. But I was very disappointed in myself when I unexpectedly saw one of this former golf foursomes that I mentioned it. It was just gossip and had nothing to do with me.
With that said.. I have to focus more on me, getting my own life. At first it was all about making sure the kids felt secure, that my daughter felt safe. But now it's time for me to face fears instead of freeze in inaction and move on and forward.
So.. just stopping by to say hello and hope all is wonderful in your lives. And thank you for all the support and caring over the years that helps me along this new and exciting journey.
