My New LBS Reality

[irishblessings]

Alright friends - I am hanging in there through a difficult evening. H contacted oldest D and S and asked them to meet him. Again he chose an open venue - however oldest D wasn't shy. The interaction was apparently tense.

D started questioning: Are you happy Dad? He said - you know in 20+ years in my career this is the first start of the school year where I feel like I've got a handle on things - even working these other part time jobs. D says - do you know why or what's different? He says - not really. She says because you've abandoned all of your responsibilities. You only take care of yourself. She told him she thought his choices were unhealthy, selfish, and hurtful. She continues saying - were you unhappy with how we were a family? He answers her - well, we shouldn't have paid as much for dance lessons and stuff. She said - do you think we would have turned out better kids? He answers her ....well yes, maybe!!!!!!!! Are you f***ing kidding me????? My son is there and his heart just drops. In his mind, Dad isn't happy with us kids. But it continues - S asks his dad - what did you dream about when you were growing up? H says "bball" and "having lots of money". S says - did you ever think about having a family and/or kids? H says - "well, yes I thought I would share my life with someone" - the kids were like - "so....." S says "dad it's embarrassing - I have a new girlfriend and mom's not embarrassing me but whenever we talk about our family it always ends up talking about this situation" H gets defensive and says "your mom is not perfect" - D joins in and says "no she's not and she is the first one that will tell you that - but she has changed and is always trying to change to improve the family situation." H says - I'm not even going to go there!???????? H tells them that he is planning to file for divorce. D asks him if he is in counseling - he says "no it is not needed" She says - weren't you on medication? "not needed"

So the kids come home and I am keeping it together for them. Even though my armpits go numb with anxiety and my heart is broken. But I am on day 3 of NC. H has emailed or texted me 3 times and I've not responded. S has a ball game tomorrow but I told him I wasn't going to go. I need to get things done around the house and I really do not want to see H. Self preservation. I expect the next contact from H will be the arrival of divorce papers or proposal. Once he delivers them - I figure I will take my time. We've been together 28 years so I figure I can take my time with the paperwork.

The NC is really helpful for me! I am in need of so much healing. I am not going to rush it.

Friends - am I missing something?