She's in MLC, but I was weak. Now what?

[PEI]

Hi CNS,

To rate my W's things she'd change about me "more emotional", "connect to me", "share daily events". From my perspective, I need to deal with things head on. I'm a famous procrastinator. I don't like conflict.

So where is the truth in those statements? Any sting there? Which of these do you want to change for you?

So Eric any worries about rage directed at spouse are not a concern. I am a gentleman and will never raise a hand to a woman. I've only raised my voice to her recently as this nightmare has unfolded. The anger manifested itself more in passive aggressive ways.

I don't want to speak for Eric here, but I'm guessing the passive aggressiveness is exactly what he was getting at. Just because it's not a physical display of your anger doesn't mean it wasn't just as damaging.

Fear of rejection is big. More than anger, fear has dominated a good bit of my life. I was always worried about disappointing Dad, but that's no longer a concern.

Ah, the fear monster ... and his brother, insecurity. Now those dragons are worth slaying. Why do you fear being rejected?

I feel stuck because my W accuses me of living another life; exercising, travelling, etc.

Did you live another life?

She pushed me away with her controlling behavior

So your behaviour was her fault?

I struggle to find ways to connect all of us and still get acceptance.

This sounds like control and external validation all at once... and a bit of a pity party too ...

W thinks she's bowing to my needs.

Did she?

As you've been told, and will be reminded over and over and over and over again ... as often as you need it ... trust me ... , this is the time to focus on what you can control - YOU. Who do you want to be? Who is CNS at his core? What kind of man are you underneath that anger and fear and insecurity? Would you recognize him even if you did see him?

Are you reading the resources yet?

Peace
PEI