Separated, MLC and Infidelity - with kids

[Optimust]

W is still very much in contact with OM as normal, 2-5 phone calls a day and 20-50 TM, and she spent the night there three nights ago. So apparently it was his needing to spend last weekend with his son that caused her to basically be nice to me as well as not contact him much. This weekend should be interesting. She has DD’s, and knows OM is not to be near them, especially D8(D14 already met him).

I’m a bit flustered in the fact it seems that she is getting everything her way. It’s like she is blissfully just waiting it out, for the 90 waiting period. Always pleasant to my face, but definitely likes her space away from me. I keep waiting for A to implode, and I’m worried because of the geographic distance(over 1 hour between homes) that keeps them from seeing each other everyday gives them the sense that absence makes the heart grow fonder.

FIL and his W are very nice to me, but they are basically telling me to face the fact and be a realist about everything. I’m a bit worried that I might become the bad person for ‘standing’ to long, because others might see it as unhealthy and that I’m in denial? Does anyone ever feel like everyone around them sees D to be blatantly obvious, and that LBS is a koo-koo nut case?

Here’s a question for anyone: We are $50k backwards in our mortgage/house. It was suggested by FIL to cash in 401k and wipe out the $50k inequity? That just seems like a bad thing to do. First, I don’t know if I want the house without W. Second, 401k’s are protected from all legal and collection matters in case I/we went bankrupt. Third, the difference is $350(the 2nd mortgage), seems I would rather make $350 payments (if I can) to save $75k 401k money($50k + $25k tax penalty approx for early withdrawal)?