I tried, I changed, but still am getting divorced!

[TimeHeals]

wow---you and I are seeing eye to eye?

About judging this guy? Sure. You are choosing a different path than I am, but that is your choice.

[newmama]

So next Friday, stbxh has S instead of Saturday...and there is a meetup event that sounds super fun! Night golfing with glow in the dark balls! Being at night, maybe it will be less noticeable if I mess up really bad! So I am totally going. Yippee!

Just got back from picking up my favorite scented lotion of all time, "Love Spell," from VS. They were having their bi-annual 6 for 30 special. Only problem is the spell doesn't work. (ha.ha. ha.)

Also picked up something else- but can't say it on here- starts with "p" (if you have read Romeo's thread lately you will get it!)

And I purchased some scented handsoap from BedBath&Beyond...$1 each. There are 4 sinks in my house, so they each get one..3 scents altogether though: cucumber-melon, grapefruit, and fig-brown sugar. This is all part of aromatherapy!

Next, an evening stroll with S...hope to get an hour total in...we will stop at the park in the middle. (I think eating pizza and drinking last week finally caught up with me )

[Virtually_Handsome]

Night golf.... if I ever see it around here, I think I will have to try it! It sounds like lunacy!

[Mrs. A]

NM, they do night golf around here too and it sounds awesome! The following refers to a post a few pages back, but I want to suggest one more reason for "dating" someone that you might not want to live happily ever after with - it gives you practice!

We spend all this time reading relationship books and posting on/reading this board, and it's all theoretical! I mean, we're practicing on our WAS, but OBVIOUSLY they have baggage and we have history. It's not exactly representative of what a new dating life would look like.

Soooo... like you mentioned about starting the new school year tabula rasa, we may feel like starting our new romantic path the same way. You know, testing the waters on people unlike our own errant spouses. If nothing else, that move will CERTAINLY teach us something about ourselves!

Good luck, NM. I think you're doing great! It ain't easy...

[Gardener]

Excellent, Mrs. A.
Absolutely excellent.
Great perspective.
"Tabula rasa," for sure.

Peace,

[newmama]

You know, sometimes I have to be a little negative and say that
being a single mom to a baby/toddler is lonely and ROUGH!

Lonely because:
1)my other friends are married or with significant others
2)S' nap times interfere with scheduling playgroups
3)I don't have the most reliable family in the world--

Rough because:
1)I have to make decisions by myself--can't exactly call up stbxh you know? And I don't know if I am supposed to? How does one raise a BABY with an exH?! And I HATE that he is raising him with his OW girlfriend! Grrrrr!!!

BUT. I don't like to vent on here about it too much because I feel very guilty for complaining when many others have way worse...waaaaaaay worse situations than I do.

Still, it is not rosy rainbows and fun fun and wonderful. It is hard.

Not trying to have a pity party, just saying.

On another note, it has been amusing to observe stbxh as he thinks I am dating! Earlier this week he said something to me about whether he should bring S back to the house or to daycare the next morning. I grabbed S' arm and kissed him and said "NO! Bring him home!" but then realized why he was asking! So I said
"I might consider that sometime, but you will be doing that soon enough when I return to work."

Then, Thursday when he came to pick S up, I was just anxious for him to just go. I asked him if he had to use the bathroom (his prostate) and he said no, he could hold it, then added "do you have to get ready?" I just decided to go with it and said "yes."

Then I slept past my alarm on Friday a.m. (I usually set it for 6 so that I can be awake when he drops S off at 6:30). I came running downstairs when the doorbell rang and he said
"S, mommy needs to go back to sleep...you go back to sleep, too!"

The best thing, though, will be when he is alone with S one day.
He has NO CLUE what it's like. ZERO and he doesn' get it.

[newmama]

hee hee...Gabbysmom, thanks for passing that secret along from your guy friends: CONFIDENCE is hot! Great...the one thing I can only fake for so long, lol! That is why I must work on getting my B.I.T.C.H. on!

something zoobrew challenged me to do was to be firm on my opinions and beliefs...name them, own them, don't worry about offending someone (well come on, it is thye way in which you do it).

And my best friend C told me that I do this weird little laugh thing a lot! OMG I am acting like my g-ma! She will say
"Yeah, that pizza was great! heh heh heh"
"Oh, well I don't care for mushrooms...heh heh heh"
"No, I have never ridden a motorcycle. heh heh heh"

ok am getting ready to go to a baby shower. I will avoid junk food but I WILL EAT CAKE! heh heh heh!

[Gardener]

nm,

You know, sometimes I have to be a little negative realistic and say that being a single mom to a baby/toddler is lonely and ROUGH!

I wouldn't know, but I figure that deserves a "damned straight" in my book.

BUT. I don't like to vent on here about it too much because I feel very guilty for complaining when many others have way worse...waaaaaaay worse situations than I do.

Oh, no, no, no, nm. Vent away. Let it all hang out. That's what it's here for. That's what we're here for. That's what helps us keep our sanity, and keeps the rest of the community informed as to how we are and what we need.

An argument could certainly be made that some situations are worse than others, but in my book, despair, pain, loneliness, regret, fear and uncertainty are universal and common, here.
Pain is pain.
And damned straight it's hard. I can't even comprehend how hard it must be for you. Another reason for you to post and vent and journal and rant: so that I - and others -can learn and try to support you.

And nothing wrong with having the occasional, short pity-party. I figure a pity-party is us saying to ourselves, "I know it all sucks, right now. And here's exactly why it sucks. There, there. Don't you worry," at those times when we need to hear just that but at that particular moment no one is telling us. So we tell ourselves, comfort ourselves.
Vent, Mama Bear, vent.

Peace,

[awest1217]

NM - I hear you about being a single mom. I thought it would get better with age, but it hasn't. S is sooooooooooooo clingy now when he sees or talks to H so it is definitely hard, and I am going to empathize with you because I completely understand where you are coming from. It is so hard being a single mom, especially being that we didn't choose this path for ourselves, but you are doing a great job!

If you have questions post them here. There are plenty of single moms around who will help give advice and maybe you can get some differing opinions so you can pick what is best for you.

[newmama]

Thank you, Gardener, Awest and GM! I am interested in learning of any good books or info, etc. about tips for raising kids as a single mom WITH a dad in the picture. Pass it along...

OK just got back from a baby shower that included a couple of teachers that I will be working with next year. I casually mentioned that I was going through a divorce (it came up naturally somehow) and then QUICKLY changed the subject.

Well, I KNOW people are curious and it makes them scared in a way. One woman, who I met a couple of years ago at the mom of honor's bachelorette party, actually had the nerve to ask me "was it your decision or no? " "so what happened? were there just ongoing issues?" Maybe I am sensitive/defensive so please let me know if this the case (honestly! TELL ME!) but I don't even know this woman and she is prying? I just said "no it wasn't my decision, but it takes 2 people to want to stay married. We have been separated for a little while now. I am at least grateful that he is a good dad to our son and we are being civil" then we got distracted.

The teacher I work in the same hall with just said "I am so sorry!"

Gee, I have butterflies about telling everyone! I guess I will do it one at a time? I already informed 12 people on the BUNCO team...but I know EVERYBODY it seems...I wish I could equate this to something else to figure out how to prepare for it!