At My Good Friend Puppy's request

[Mike.4545]

Hope4us,

Thank you for your advice and help here.

Right now I'm separated from my wife. She had an affair, and over the last month or two I've done everything I can to bust it up. Both my W and the OM say it's over and that they aren't going to communicate any longer. I don't know if I believe it, but I'm trying to move forward as best I can hoping the A really has ended. She still won't commit herself to working on our marriage and I'm not really expecting that out of her at this point...I'm just trying to figure out how much and what kind of contact I should have with her at this time.

My largest concern right now is how to act towards my wife. Do you have any advice on how to interact with them or communicate with them post affair? I've been told over and over to show no pursuing behavior. I only communicate with my wife when she initiates a conversation...I keep my responses short...and I try not to talk much about our relationship or the affair. I just try to have simple friendly conversations about everyday stuff. I'm working on GAL and making improvements in myself, even though she doesn't get much of a chance to see these changes as she doesn't live with me anymore. I'm really making these changes for myself.

You mentioned that you would invite your wife to do things with you now and then. Could that be classified as pursing?

Do you think there is anything wrong with sending her a short note every 2-3 weeks to see how she's doing and say you hope everything is going well?

Did you ever behave in a way that made your wife think that you were just moving on?

Thanks so much for your input!