For someone who says she wants to remain friends after this is all over she is sure burning a lot of bridges ( I would have to do a lot of soul searching before i could decide on the friends route right now ). I already told her I have no intention of hanging out with her after this. She suggested we could hang around together with our current friends and then have separate lives on the side. My response was WTF followed by "you gotta be kidding".
People don't seem to understand that when a WS tells you they want to be friends, that REALLY isn't what they mean.
What they usually and almost always mean is..."I know you are hurt and falling apart, so I need to let you down lightly. I can't just come out and say that "I don't love you anymore and don't want anything to do with you" because I already told you that more than once, but you keep trying to win me back.
It is ONLY a way of letting you down easily.... They have no intentions on putting you and involving you in their party life and love life...
Tell them YES.. We would make GREAT friends. Then you will see by their actions as things progress that they don't mean that in the least. It is an excuse to let you down easy because they can see that you are falling apart and having a hard time letting go.,
You are making too much of this freind thing. They don't want you to be their friend any more than you want to be their friend. It is a way to let you down easy and smoothly. Nothing more. They are hoping that FINALLY you get the message that the "romanctic and loving and in love part of the relationship is toast. They realize you haven't understood that yet. This is what a woman almost always does to a man who she has no romantic interest in... She gives him the "nice guy and friends routine".. Standard procedure. No reality to it. What do you expect them to say.. "I don't love you and I want nothing to do with you either?"...
Hi Gucci In my case this is not true. We have a prepaid vacation booked for later in the year and she still wants to go even though we would end up sleeping in the same bed again. She has even said she will pay for her half of the money outstanding right now.
She has told her friends and mine that this is still in her plans and she really wants to stay good friends. This is what's so confusing to me. another reason why i am pretty sure there is no OM as how would she tell him she is going on vac with me.
I hate to break it to you, but her saying she is still going on a vacation "later in the year" and actually GOING on that vacation is yet to be seen...
Do you think she would rather break up with you and say that you remain friends or break up with you and say you are not friends?
I have seen your situation time and time again...
Then suddenly at the last minute.. Something comes up and they can't make it...
Watch and see. You have a better chance of winning her back by telling her that "yes" friends is great. Perfect for me. I wouldn't want it any other way"...
And THEN ignoring her and dating around and seeing other women... Than you will by fighting her on the friends issue and telling her "I won't be your friend, but I WILL and still want to be your lover"??? Makes no sense on your part to say yes to love and no to friends????? That isn't how you win women back. Patrionize her... That is the way you do it.. You tell her one thing and then ignore her. Who says what "type" of friends you have to be? Make it YOUR type of friendship.. In "name" only...
You think she would fork over $1K to make me feel better. Especially in a time like this when people watch their money. Also back when we were first dating she done a similar walkaway thing that lasted a a couple of months but continued a friendship and then we just ended up getting back together. So I really think she means it except it doesn't work for me.
You would be AMAZED at what a WAS is capable of. And yes, I do think 1K to ease guilt is not all that high of a sum. A drop in the bucket really. Because nobody wants to be *that* person to everybody else and if a vacation and a few bucks can "fix" that, well, it's not a bad investment.
Also back when we were first dating she done a similar walkaway thing that lasted a a couple of months but continued a friendship and then we just ended up getting back together.
So.. Being FRIENDS and remaining friends WORKED before, but you are going to refuse it now???...
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So I really think she means it except it doesn't work for me.
Of course she THINKS she means it.. She means it on HER terms...
Look. Do it your way. She may have you fooled, but not me....
Start dating some hot blonde and hang all over her and THEN see how strong her friendship is...Ask her to meet you and the new hot blonde for drinks so that you can introduce her to your new woman. Introduce your ex as your friend and your new blonde as your new GF.. See how much that freindship means to her THEN. Make it on YOUR terms. I can see that you don't get it.
Maybe even ask her if she cared if you took the blonde on vacation so the three of you could all enjoy it.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
You WANT to set the table so that YOU are able to tell HER later when she begs you to come back..
"Well, YOU said you wanted to only be friends. I think we make better friends than lovers."
This get HER chasing you and YOU using her own tactics against her later... Works like a charm.
So, you tell her yes to friends, and then get a NEW woman to be seen with.. She can NOT say anything to you about it. She already told you she only wants to be friends. Oblige her.
