I just recently found out(slow learner - LOL) that clicking on a posters name that I could view ALL their posts. So you were the first person I went to read their original post.
If anyone needs inspiration and I mean FANTASTIC inspiration on how to conquer being a LBH/W, click on his name and go to the last page (261 or 265???) and start from the beginning.
There are a lot of experienced people and great posters, but for my situation, Robx posts have been the most inspirational to me and will also say that Sandi2's - woman's POV - is priceless (No disrespect to the others). Although everyone's sitches can be similar or different, there is always a WAY to become a better person and to make the most of a difficult situation. Now, I see that it truly doesn't matter who is at fault anymore and what has been done in the past is DONE. You have the power to control your present and your future to MOVE forward and be happy. If you want to wallow, it's going to get you nowhere and fast.
If you have done things wrong and you know it, then you owe it to yourself to fix what you did wrong by becoming a better person and a happy one at that. You can't dwell on fixing the past, but you can fix your future.
As for me changing my past ways, the 3 most important ones are: I have quit drinking, have become more involved in my faith, and I'm quitting smoking. These alone have made me feel so much better about myself. Now I'm getting in the habit of going to the gym and trying to work on eating better. I'm taking this one day at a time.
This has been absolutely the hardest thing I have EVER had to do in my life and I could not continue my progress without - 1) The Bible/God 2) Robx's inspiration 3) Developing Detachment - Livestrong website. 4) Setting them Free post
Do not get me wrong...I love my wife and will always love her, but the point comes where you just have to stop being a doormat and be strong. You will go NO WHERE until you realize this. It's amazing to see the tiniest results in myself just from the changes I have made. I can't say my wife has noticed them all and probably has no clue about my mindset, but what's really nice is the fact that I'm starting not to care what she thinks. Yes, I miss her, but I also see what lies ahead and I'm excited. It's FINALLY getting better.
Just wanted to post this so you all can benefit from the upbuilding reading materials that have helped me and I hope they help every last one of you.
Robx has been a voice crying in the wildnerness here for a long, long time. Perhaps no poster has BETTER advice, that goes LESS heeded, than Rob. Not only is their great wisdom and experience in his posts, but the lengths and thoroughness that he goes to in his replies to others IS truly inspirational, and he doesn't get enough credit around here.
I'm glad you pointed out his story. I have learned so much from him (altho he'll always humbly say it's the opposite).
If you want to wallow, it's going to get you nowhere and fast.
It took you less than a month to figure out what took me quite possibly 6 months to learn.
You feel about Rob the way I feel about Puppy...Excellent men with excellent advice, problem is no one wants to follow it right off the bat (I admit I didn't)...
I wish I could get newbies to seek out some of the veterans instead of listening to other newbies...
It would save some time on their part.
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
Rob has helped many, many people (whether they received it or not) on these boards and deserves a lot of credit IMO. He was the first person to reply on my original thread and has given me excellent, wise, and sometimes very challenging advice ever since. I have a lot of respect for him.
Listen I'm no expert, what I learned that worked well in my situation I learned from the great people on this site.
One of the best things that I learned for myself was being able to finally admit that I didn't know everything, I didn't know how to fix this problem (and many other similar problems) and that continuing to make the same mistakes and continuing to be unwilling to try new and unconventional things was just going to get me the same results that I had been receiving.
I now have a wife that apparently thinks our marriage was a good thing because it produced "many good things" and she is trying to plan a vacation for our entire family and wants us to go with the kids to where we had our honeymoon and thinks its a step in the right direction for us and our family.
That's a 180 for her, as for me, I'm off to a tanning bed right now, the last time we went to the dominican I burned quite a bit, my skin looked like the dark red color that decorates most of these pages, I need a decent base to be able to handle all that sun ;-)
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Coach and I use "Robx-isms" around the house often. "Crap behavior" is a favorite! Or "going Robx" on someone! Haha! I have appreciated and learned a lot from you, Rob. Thanks for teaching us! Greek \o/ \o/ \o/
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
If you want to wallow, it's going to get you nowhere and fast.
It took you less than a month to figure out what took me quite possibly 6 months to learn.
I have figured it out, yes, but have I mastered this? No. Right now I just pick myself up and force myself to go do anyhting...and I mean ANYTHING.
Once I can't find anything else to do...I then read. I read the bible in short bursts, I pray, then when I feel myself fall into thinking things over again or begin to wallow... I go to Livestrong website and read http://www.livestrong.com/article/14712-developing-detachment/ I read this til I say "OH, yeah...that's it" and then I'm good for awhile.
Now that I found Robx's post a couple days ago...I've read that entire 13 page post all the way through 3 times now and I will continue to.
HIS POST IS A MUST READ! No situation you are in is an EXCEPTION. Read it and you will feel motivated.
Hang in there and just keep pushing on...once you just feel a little self-esteem or hapiness it's the beginning of a Snowball effect.
