At My Good Friend Puppy's request

[Hope4us]

Ok, so EA didn't last long. He's comparing you to her and right now that's not a fair comparison.

I know where you're coming from. If there was any way possible we could have afforded to separate, we would have. I was at a point where I couldn't take the lies any more. But with one son in college and a big mortgage, we couldn't really afford to separate, so I just decided I'd give it my best shot all the while GAL and see what happened. I got to a point where I just decided my marriage was over and I'd try my best and if it didn't work, oh well.

In retrospect, staying in the house together was the best thing we did. How can your spouse see the changes if you're living apart? Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that everyone should always stay in the same house. It gets terribly draining when you're getting nothing in return, but if you can handle it, it's probably better.

If your H is comparing you to the OW, which I can guarantee he is, you have to be able to show him the new and improved you. If your relationship is improving, why would you want to separate? Don't get me wrong, sometimes a separation can show your spouse just what they're missing. But if you're together, you can get a lot of info that your spouse might not even know they're giving you. Listen to him, really listen. He'll give you clues. I know my W did. I'm a guy and we don't listen very well and there were clues there all along but I didn't HEAR them. Same for her. She didn't HEAR me. But in that time where we were just existing, I'd listen. And a lot of what she said was true. And I made changes. Didn't tell her I was, because talk is cheap, but actions, that's what matters.

Slow and consistent changes are what make the biggest impact, IMHO.

Listen, only you know your H. It might be the right move separating. That's a decision only you can make. I can only give you advise on what worked for me. And for me, staying in the same house was the right one.