She's in MLC, but I was weak. Now what?

[ericmsant2]

CN,
To be really honest with you – you really did not answer my questions. I know why but do you. Let me ask you a few more questions before I comment on your post.

If you hit the lotto tomorrow, if your M was totally perfect, what the F would you want in YOUR life?
The first part of your post is a little depressing dude but trust me I get it. Your feeling a little like sh*t. Your post comes across as if you are defeated.

My priority is to be the best Dad I can be.

So is mine dude but really I’m gonna push you here. What happens when the kids are out of the house – then what are your priorities? Who will CS be? Who does the big 6ft CS want to be?

To create a legacy for my kids to emulate.

Have you considered that the legacy could be…..”my Dad was the man – he was happy, strong, confident, understanding, compassionate, he always pushed me to chase my dreams, he rocked!”
Well if you agree with the above, then IMO your quote below does not jive….

I don't have dreams

This quote come off as self defeating. You do have dreams buddy…

I bet one of them is to reconcile with your W. Right? Dig deeper my friend dig a lot deeper.

I am realizing all the trips in Outside Magazine I covet are likely now out of my reach

Why are they outside of your reach? Please don’t tell me your another one of these guys with a crystal ball. One of those guys that knows that he can’t do this or can’t do that. [censored]…what do you think your W wants? I suspect that she wants a dude that can do it all. That can be the best that he can be. That can take the biggest kick in the f’in nuts yet get up and keep going.

I want to tell you that you have to stop projecting the future.
You really DO NOT KNOW what will happen tomorrow. If you do, can you please let me know what numbers I should play in powerball.

How do I balance my personal needs with those of my kids?

You balance them, one day at a time. You do the best you can do. You ALWAYS think about your kids BUT you also need to think about YOU. Look man, I know where you are at. I have 3 kids myself and I live with someone who quite frankly probably cares more about what color she is going to paint her toe nails than of how I feel. I get it dude. It is hard.

You need to find sometime for you. You need to find some time to just do something that puts a smile on your face. If your kids are anything like mine, then they will see your unhappiness. Really ya can’t fake it. Look man, it is okay to be a little down sometimes BUT you need to get up and do something for you. This is the balance that you need. Now, if you are having issues with spending time with your kids that is another convo. How often do you see your kids? What do you do with them when you do see them?

I don't consider myself selfish,

Here is a question that I want you to think about…..what and how do you define selfishness?

My friends turned on me to advance their own social agendas when graduating to high school

Well I don’t call them friend…I call them selfish bastards! Here is the question for you…what kind of friends do you want in YOUR life, in your kids lives?

I'm still pissed off about that.

Did some of that anger come out at your W. Be honest with yourself. Did you lash out sometime or base on something that she did that reminded you of these friends? The anger has go buddy – it is probably going to be one of the hardest thing to do. It is the thing that you need to get rid of FOR YOU.

I have spent the intervening years getting bigger and playing violent sports as an outlet for the rage

Have you ever seen a therapist about this? I ask because…..

I'm mad. Always have been

Was this anger directed at your W? Did she see it? Did you suppress and think it did not show?
[
quote]I don't trust[/quote]
Probably because you are still carrying around hurt from your youth, specifically those friends you mentioned earlier. So did you trust your W? You see, sometime we do not need to accuse our W…sometimes our actions do all the talking. Have you ever asked her a ton of question when she came home from a night out with the girls? Did she feel you trusted her?

I am intensely loyal though once committed

Can you have this commitment to YOURSELF? I mean it is one thing to be soooo committed to someone else..a whole another thing to be committed to YOU. Sometimes as a “codependent” we are so committed to someone else that we lose who we are. We give the other person the power to control our emotions, which not healthy for you or your partner.

Dude you claim to have been around the boards for a while. What are your plans for you? What are you doing for you? What are your interactions like with your W?