After Exposure - Keep It Going

[Allen A]

This is the healthiest route for you QS.. if you weren't holding your dignity and making mature informed chioces you would likely be in as much a vendictive selfish mess as your wife is...

Divorce hurts, but if you don't have the right support its hell for everyone around you too

You are managing well, and that's the best revenge - life a good and healthy life

[Quicksilver264]

I just read over my ENTIRE previous thread, and this one as well.

I have to say I have come a loooooong way in 2 months.

However, things didn't really work out the way I or anyone else hoped.

-She's moving out, and has a new OM in her life, although he doesn't quite "know" it yet.

-We don't speak EVER now.

-She went from thinking I was just hurt and upset to thinking I am a complete and total psycho. And I mean crazy.

I wonder where I will be in another 2 months? I mean what is left to say or post about my sitch? When is is out of the house and in her new apartment, she is on HER OWN. I fought hard, but I never really did expect things would turn out this exact way.

Acceptance is kind of weird. You KNOW what is happening and you can't change it, but some part of you deep down really wishes you could.

But I have to say I read over those posts with a little bit of nostalgia, because I could remember EXACTLY how I felt when I wrote them. But then I just didn't know where I would be today.

[Allen A]

You can always stay to help others through this.. that's what puppy and I are doing... There are new affairs starting up every day as you have likely seen... almost every day someone new arrives here with a nightmare terrorizing their troubled home

There's always a chance you wife may change her mind... Don't put ANY energy into that, but keep it in mind... and deal with it when it happens is all...

I think its healthy to stay here and help others through their time... that's why I am here

[Quicksilver264]

I guess it just gave me alot of comfort when as each thing happened, I had a place to go to for support. And I mean ALOT happened. I guess I am used to the day to day life of her being around, or something happening with her. It's WEIRD being in a place where the is NO contact.

I mean I will still have intel flowing in, but I have decided to only have my system notify me on certain key aspects. The rest will just be archived in case I need to go back.

You know this feels like ALOT when my dad died. Like I just knew he was never coming back. I get why some people say divorcing can be like losing a spouse, but harder because you know they are alive and moving on.

I stood in my living room today, and remembered 2 years ago EXACTLY TO THIS DAY, I was putting together the living room furniture just 2 weeks after we moved in. It was like that day was superimposed on top of this one. It was just surreal, and man I NEVER expected all of this back then.

Sometimes I want to find that guy I was back then, the complaining, bastard, selfish jerk, and just beat him senseless. But I did make my bed, and it's time to lie in it.

I do plan to stay and help others. But I also plan to keep working on ME, and maybe one day when (definitely when) her living situation goes to Hell, I will be in such a better place to deal with that. Maybe 2 months from now - maybe not.

Today is just a surreal day. No bad emotion, just surreal. Memories can be a powerful thing.

And I will DEFINITELY AND ALWAYS be there to help people with infidelity and the bastards who are so selfish to destroy a marriage.

[Allen A]

I am wondering where you would have been if OM #1 and #2 hadn't shown up... I like to think most Waywards just happen on the wrong person at a very wrong time and it spirals downward. I would like to think if your wife had chosen to come here and OM never ran into her that she would have been in a much better place right now

[Quicksilver264]

Ugghhh.

Her MOM is coming over today to help my wife pack. Seriously?

I have two options that SUCK either way.

1) Stay here and keep a close eye on them ane MAKE SURE they don't pack anything that we agreed on that stays.

2) Go away all day and then have to sort through all the boxes and find out where and what is missing.

I found a list she made of things to pack, and she is DEFINITELY planning on taking things that we agreed she wouldn't

Why is it that she feels a sense of ENTITLEMENT to take WHATEVER SHE WANTS?

Like I am MAD AS HELL right now. But I don't want to be over the top confrontational.

But waiting and sorting through stuff makes me seem passive-aggressive too.

She didn't stay at home last night. I don't know where she went, but the whole server thing must have REALLY freaked her out.

And she and her new roommie must have sent 100 texts last night to each other.

I think I am going to just wait, and then take back whatever she packs that we didn't agree on. That way, she goes through ALL the TROUBLE of packing, and then QS sweeps in tonight after she leaves, and takes his stuff back to an undisclosed location.

I HATE that walk away women feel they are ENTITLED to take WHATEVER THEY WANT.

Any suggestions on this? 1) REALLY would suck. 2) kind of makes me look a little crazy I think.

[Allen A]

I don't think 2 makes you look crazy...

[grateful4life]

Can you get any of the stuff out before she comes over?

[Allen A]

Right now QS how you look to her really isn't important...

This is the same thing that spouses do when they are wayward... Boundaries that were once safe and respected are PUSHED to their LIMITS

You have choices when this happens

a. Retaliate (immature and unhealthy for you in the long run)
b. Supplicate (sacrificing your dignity won't bring anyone home)
c. Maintain your dignity but don't retaliate

People try a and b all the time and end up regretting it..

C is the hardest line to walk but the healthiest one for you

If you confront her on it she will just either do one of the following :

a. Make a huge scene, throw a tantrum, and surrender the items
b. Make a huge scene, laugh in your face, and refuse to surrender the items

Either way its just her playing a hand again... She has two cards she plays man :

a. Smug
b. Victim

Neither one will get the results you want confronting her... She only plays those two cards...

If you want to bring a friend over while she packs that may throw a wrench in things... what do you think?

[Allen A]

If she confronts you on it later you just tell her


I was sparing you the embarassment of confronting you in front of your mother and calling you a thief

You took things that didn't belong to you - I took them back while sparing your dignity in the process

You're welcome


Walk away