Wife filed for divorce...Is there still hope?

[LSG]

Savingmymarriage,

Don't be embarrassed by the learning process you have been going through. Mine are embarrassing too. I had one of the threads removed. I was in a different place. You seem to be too.

I appreciate you sharing them with me. I admire that you are willing to put them on here.

I think detaching is good, but we all have to do it at our own pace. You are doing what is best in your situation.

I don't think you have failed because you seem to have grown and moved forward at least in the posts you have made to me. That is part of DBing, and you are doing it. That is something to be positive and proud of. You do seem to be finding some inner peace, and this is what I have come to understand about DBing. Give yourself credit for that.

I appreciate you providing me support and helping me in this very difficult period of my life. I am very grateful to you for that.

Keep doing what is best for you!

I will check your threads and try to learn from them.

Thank you very much!

[LRT Land]

LSG - no clue on how to pull in other threads. Sorry! The heading is "What is the LRT" and was posted by LeeSC. I tried to bump it up for you earlier today so it should be too far back. Sadly, the board has been very active lately.

[LSG]

Journaling (Wednesday, August 4, 2010):

Woke the kids up and got them ready. I made their beds, dressed S, and had D get dressed. I had them eat breakfast.

I did laundry, and I took them to the store.

I came home and did some other chores, and I took S and D swimming. I had them shower and clean up for going to a friends at 6 pm. They came home at around 8 pm, and we went to 7-11. I brought them home and had S change into PJs. They brushed their teeth and watched some TV with me. It was nice.

W came home at 10:45 pm. I was in bed and heard her come inside. I did not wake up and fell asleep. She said she had IC session after work. I do not know what she did after that. She did not call again to tell us what time she would be home. She only left a message that on my cell that she was going an IC appointment.

Today, I got the kids out of bed after S called to W and I got him dressed and had D get dressed, and I made their bed. I was already done and had checked for jobs online. We have a mediation appointment today, so W is home. I cleaned up after kids ate leftovers W brought home from her lunce. I had kids brush their teeth. I have to take them over to a friends to be watched today while W and I are at mediation. I will take W to work after that because we only have a single car.

I cleaned up the kids dishes and made our bed. I will vacuum and take S to the skate park. More to come later...

[DanF]

You are doing great LSG, hang in there and keep it up!!!

Thanks for everything you have done for me.

[LSG]

DanF,

Thanks. I really appreciate. It is far from over. I just finished mediation. It was really only a formality because W and I would not budge from our stance.

The hearing is very soon, and I will be ready for it. It will be stressful, but I have a newfound confidence that I will be okay. Never has Divorce been what I have wanted, but it is what I will now deal with.

DanF - I am glad you are focusing on looking for houses and doing other positives things for yourself. It will help to make you feel good.

[LSG]

Journaling (Thursday, August 5, 2010):

I did not vacuum or take S to the skate park today. I had to run over to the court house again, and I had to copy everything in the file to make sure I was prepared to meet with a third attorney. He really seems to want to help me. I am running out of time. He said my case is very different from the 10 - 15 he hears everyday. I am very excited to meet with him. I really don't want to go into the hearing alone. He said he will make me feel good again in 30 minutes. He thinks I have a real good case for primary parent. He said mothers usually get it, but he thinks I will be able to make the case for me to given this status. Many other attorneys have said the same thing. He want to get me some spousal support, so I do not have to live like this. He can't believe I am able to do it everyday. You have to do what you have to do.

I did take S and D to the doggie park today, and I showered them, had them brush their teeth, and tucked them into bed. W was following along too tonight. She cancelled her plans for a get together tomorrow. I guess she is nervous because of mediation. The lady said "we should not even bother, and it is just a formaility." Nothing to worry about. W and I will not budge from our wants for child custody. So we go to the hearing soon.

Kids did a little carnival night in their room, and it was fun.

W made dinner, but she did not make me dinner. I decided to buy something and bring it home. I bought her and kids cookies because I do not want them to do the this someday in the future to their spouse. They need to know how to treat other people. I want to help them to grow up to be good people. I have to set a good example for them as their Father to follow.

S was mad at mom and sister because W came home and only took D for a walk while S was waiting patiently for her. Then she took them to the room without me. She is very mad and angry today.

She wants to take S and D to a bunch of places, and she has the money to do it.

[LSG]

I am very upset with W today. She is so rude not making me dinner. What kind of example does this set for the kids. It is horrible thing to do. She is not doing the right thing for them. They need a parent that will teach them the right thing to do. It is not her.

I go to an attorney, and he is ready to fight the fight I believe. He seems willing to help me with the financing. I am so glad. I asked about a continuance, and he said there will be none. I wonder if W will have an attorney. I am sure she has already planned on it. I have to go in prepared for her. This is going to be a long couple of years. The attorney said I will not be kicked out unless there is an order, and she has not made one yet. I expect the unexpected from her. I will not let my guard down. I do not trust her. This is not what I wanted, but it is what I have to do. I do have worries, and I need to make sure that they are addressed.

She gave me the dirtiest, most hateful glare tonight as I left to get something to eat with S. It was awful. There is so much hatred and contempt in her. The level she will go to is incredible. She is talking to her parents tonight. She does this everytime she is upset. I can read her hand very well.

[LSG]

W woke up late, and I did not wake her. I enjoyed the peace and quiet. I woke up kids, and I thought W was one of the kids and said "good morning." I do not usually say anything to her. She said "good morning" back. It is easier to talk and say something when you don't know you are talking to your W. I guess it was a good thing. I found it kind of funny and amusing to me. It was just normal even though I did not direct at her.

Nice way to start the day!!!

[idontunderstand]

LSG,

I hope this attorney works out and helps you. You deserve a break. You have never given up and it is paying off for you.

I like how you take care of the kids yourself and don't rely on her. I'm in kind of the same boat but not to the extent that you are. I'm not with them all day but when I get home, they count on me to play and bathe them and get them ready for bed, etc. I love it. W looks for any excuse to get out of the house. It used to bother me. Now I enjoy the stress free times without her.

Enjoy your kids as much as you can. They will be grown and gone before you know it.

Any news concerning a job? Continued luck with that, I know that would make a world of difference with your PMA.

Have a good weekend.

[DanF]

Nice work LSG. You are doing great. Look at it this way, you are probably at rock bottom in terms of money and support and you have lived through it and gotten much better emotionally. You are strong and deal well with your wife.

Now it is likely that your attorney will be able to get spousal support ordered for you and you will actually have a few shekels of your own to spend how you see fit. I think things can only go up from here for you.

Nice work buddy and keep hanging in there.