Gosh, punkin, you are so funny, even in the midst of such a painful time of your life. I love that. I tend to humourize my bad times too. It makes it seem not as threatening.
I am sure your H has already forgotten that you said he has "destroyed your life" ... he forgets everything else, except the one thing he is focused on right now .... the signing of the mortgage waiver. The need to get something from the house was an obvious ruse to get a hold of you. I agree with SA .... tell him to send it to you or maybe even send it directly to your lawyer. He must understand that you are not going to put any signature on any piece of paper (especially from him) until your L has taken a look, and then you may still not sign it.
Stay strong.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim