Susan - your post sounds discouraged. Don't be. To me, your H is not quite there yet. The candle probably tipped it in the wrong direction. Just act natural. Yes - wear the slinky nightgown - but watch tv where you would always watch tv.
Rather than tell your H in the mtg how you feel about anything, try to do more listening. He doesn't care how you feel right now. He cares about his pain. You can tell him you're sorry you hurt him. You can tell him you're sorry he's hurting and don't want to cause any more pain. You can say a split isn't what you want but you don't want to hurt him anymore.
That's the approach I would take. He's in a silo right now. You need to let it come down. Then he'll start being receptive to you - but that won't happen until he believes you're on his side.
He: WAH Me: LBW Precious: DD
~ I'm grateful for every day I have to improve the way I relate.
