At My Good Friend Puppy's request

[Hope4us]

I posted this in Piecing. I was a regular on this board a couple years ago as my W had a year long A. After I finally busted the A, I moved to Piecing. It was a long haul even after the A was busted, but I can say now, here we are, 2 years post A, happier and getting along better than we have for a long time.

Puppy posted a request that I post this on the Infidelity board to try to help all those suffering thru the pain of an unfaithful spouse.

I don't look at the boards much anymore and don't see looking at them on any kind of consistent basis going forward. But if any of you have any questions, post them to this thread and I'll try to respond when I can. Please don't ask me to read your thread and tell you what I think. I just don't have the time, but if you ask a specific question here, I'll try to answer at some point.

Here is my last post on Piecing.

Hey my dear DB friends. It's been a couple months since I even looked at DB and with where W and I are, I'm thinking I won't be looking much at the boards, if at all, going forward.

I kind of have mixed emotions about it. I'd love to hang around and help others thru the most painful experience one can go thru, but at the same time, I know when I read other's threads, it affects me and our recovery.

And this past weekend something happened that tells me we are pretty much recovered.

W and I were out checking out some shops in Amish Country near us and this song came on the radio. W says "hey! this is the song I've wanted you to hear for a long time" and proceeds to turn it up quite loud. Here are the lyrics.....

Little Lion Man:

Weep for yourself, my man,
you'll never be what is in your heart
weep little lion man,
you're not as brave as you were at the start
rate yourself and rake yourself,
take all the courage you have left
wasted on fixing all the problems
that you made in your own head

but it was not your fault but mine
and it was your heart on the line
I really f****d it up this time
didn't I, my dear?
didn't I, my...

tremble for yourself, my man,
you know that you have seen this all before
tremble little lion man,
you'll never settle for any of your scores
your grace is wasted in your face,
your boldness stands alone among the wreck
learn from your mother or else spend your days biting your own neck

but it was not your fault but mine
and it was your heart on the line
I really f****d it up this time
didn't I, my dear?

but it was not your fault but mine
and it was your heart on the line
I really f****d it up this time
didn't I, my dear?
didn't I, my dear?

but it was not your fault but mine
and it was your heart on the line
I really f*****d it up this time
didn't I, my dear?

but it was not your fault but mine
and it was your heart on the line
I really f*****d it up this time
didn't I, my dear?
didn't I, my dear?

And W just stared out the window the whole time it was playing.

And when we got home that night it was pretty passionate....

I could go on, but I should just end with this. To all my friends (you know who you are) who helped me when I was at my lowest points, thank you will never be enough.

To all those still struggling with a wayward spouse, 8 things I've learned....(well, there's more than 8, but....)

1) It's not about you or anything you've done. Waywards will justify and rationalize EVERYTHING to make what they're doing someone elses fault. Own your own chit that contributed to the marriage breakdown, because we all have chit we can work on, but NEVER take responsibility for your spouses A. That's all on them.
2) Never take ANYTHING your wayward spouse says to or about you personally. They really are in an F'd up place.
3) The A MUST end before your marriage has a chance, and rarely does the little bo peep method work.
4) Once the A ends, more compassion and patience than you ever knew were possible will be required to save your marriage.
5) Once the A ends and waywards begin to come out of the fog, they have their own he** to deal with.
6) Do NOT hold it over their heads forever. It only leads to road bumps in your marriage recovery.
7) Your marriage can be saved. Some can not, but some can. And NO ONE will blame you if YOU decide to call it quits if your spouse has cheated on you. Some people can't get over it even with a repentant spouse.
8) If you're one of the lucky ones to save your marriage, don't ever take your spouse for granted. A second chance is a gift. Mine was within days of a divorce being filed, and here we are today talking about retirement and our future grandkids and ML multiple times a week.

That's the gist of it.

Good bye and good luck. I hope things work out the way you want them to.

H4U.