dburt continues to press on

[Hope4us]

Ok, I know I said I was leaving the boards, but hey, just had a few extra minutes at work and thought I'd take a look at a few of threads.

Burt, I have an idea of what might be going on with your W. Could be wrong, but here's a thought.

A year ago your W was convinced she wanted to D. You made changes and she started to notice. But she still isn't convinced those changes are for real. So she keeps track of all the things you do that tick her off so she can keep score. But there are times when she forgets that and you have good days, maybe even good weeks, but then she back tracks.

Been there, done that. What I discovered with my W, and I think it probably applies to a lot of WAW's is, they're going to test you for a LONG time before they believe the changes are for real. Her not responding to the note? Just another way for her to see if you're going to be a dik about it.

DON'T react to her not thanking you. I know what Pup is saying about expecting some kind of response, but she's not responding because that's EXACTLY what she knows you're expecting her to do.

And trust me, these little things add up. When I was in the middle of our mess, I was talking to S Harley. He told me that my W's mind was so made up that OM was going to make her happy forever that once the A was over, it would take a long time and a lot of consistent actions for her to begin to believe we had a chance. Same with your W. It's going to take a long time. And SH gave me an analogy. If you came to a river and the water was too deep to cross, but you had to cross, what would you do? You'd start throwing stones into the river to build a bridge. Depending on how deep the river is, it could take a HUGE number of stones to pile up just to break the surface. But that surface wouldn't be broken the whole way across. At first you'd see little breaks here and there. Keep throwing rocks in the river in just the right place and you'll eventually see them peaking through in multiple places. With enough patience, you'll eventually have enough rocks in place to walk across.

That's where your W seems to be to me. You're seeing rocks peek out of the water in some places, but you still can't cross the river. Keep at it, and eventually, you'll have that bridge.

Just my .02.

H4U.