I am sure they are. I know others who have done it, too, and express much of the same depression. To my W I am not part of her solution. She wants out and she wants to discover herself alone. I don't know what's going to happen when she wakes up and I am not there, and the kids make demands she can't satisfy because I am not there and she perhaps realizes that "finding herself" has become twice as hard.
She had to do this alone. I will never understand why destroying her family is a good solution for her, but it might be the only way she comes to any kind of realization.
I don't think any of us can be the solution directly. They need to come to terms with their own demons and issues. We can help by doing what all of us are here discussing. We can be a solution for ourselves however, by becoming a better person and becoming the person that our WAS once fell in love with. That's the only way IMO.
Don't worry what's going to happen when she wakes up and you're not there. You will see in time. Spend your time bettering yourself instead and she will notice in time. The "wake up" may surprise you.
None of us understand why destroying families is a good solution for them because they are living in a LIE . They are living in a parallel universe where they sometimes pop in and out of to confuse us even more. Do what works, stop doing that doesn't. Look for little signs and reaction. You need to be the magnet with enough gravitational power to pull her back from her universe through that black hole that she got sucked through.
