1. Reciprocal is just conditional on it being reciprocated. Think about the difference between unconditional love and conditional marriage. We don't love our kids only if they promise to love us back? Or our parents ... you see where I'm going with this.
2. You mention that you are having trouble with the anger and resentment pieces. Please, do not make any decisions or choices while you are struggling with this. You don't want any unringable bells. Sometimes, in the short term, doing nothing and being still are the best options. Until you know with certainty that the choices you are making are from place of compassion and love and that they are true to your core, go slow.
3. I'm glad that reading my sitch (all of it ... this morning? really? must have been a lot of coffee!) has helped you in some way. But if my timeline has influenced you into making hasty decisions about your marriage and committment while you are still processing anger and resentment then I'll be tempted to pull the whole thing. Seriously. You've read my sitch, you know where I stand - or not - and you should also know that I have no intention of filing any paperwork or doing anything other than living my life. I'm going to take responsibility for my choices and leave him to do the same.
4. You sound ready to do the work, so get to it! Set some boundaries, but take the focus off the M and put it where it belongs ... firmly on what you can control ... YOU. Read what you can and get as many perspectives as possible. Then, someday when you can honestly look in the mirror and say for sure that your choices to let go are in love and not in anger or because of a damaged ego ... you'll know. Absolutely work to get back that man she fell in love with, but do it because it was true to your core ... because you liked who you were then. Do it for you, regardless of the potential outcome of your current sitch.
Peace PEI
PS ... lived in Calgary for a while ... but it's been a long time. The city must be huge now!
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
