Puppy, I know this was the right thing to do and i guess it was easy to do both because I really love both kids and also due to the fact that i see the M as over. It was actually easy to get up this morning, smile and say good morning to everyone including her because getting into this state has taken a lot of pressure off me.
It also seems like the pressure has moved over to her. Not because she wants to stay but just by the reality that even though she has already told all her friends she now has to deal with childcare for her S, finding a new place to live etc.
I am lucky in the fact that I have a very good and cooperative parenting arrangement with my S mother. So the transition into a new place will not be too difficult or time sensitive for me.
She on the other hand has always fought with her S father and he also sticks very rigidly to their court enforced parenting plan so there is no flexibility. When i was around this was not an issue but it is now and she is feeling the pressure. Initially even when she told me she wanted to separate i felt some sympathy for her and helped out as normal. But due to her behavior now I am less inclined to help and that is infuriating her. She needs to see what being on her own means. If she dealt with him like she is dealing with me I am not surprised.
that having been said i do not want her back cause she needs a child minder.
I guess the fact i see no way out and am just taking care of my S and myself ( and step S when it works for ME ) and getting on with life means I have detached. Having a great summer outside of this and actually had a good nights sleep on my own. i think i could get used to this
Well thankfully she backed down and didn't lay blame on the kid. But I guess i am paying the price for standing up to her ( not that i care too much in my current state of mind )
When I see her in this state I cannot believe there is any hope of this M surviving. All I can do is continue to be polite and upbeat.
As this all goes down I really find it strange that she is sooo angry. Initially she said this was because I was trying to hold her hostage ( not sure how ), then because she had to share the same bed ( her choice and no longer happening ) and then because she wanted to get things moving, put the house for sale, tell the kids etc.
Now all these things are done and still angry and barely speaking.
If i had an Affair, was abusive or otherwise hurt her I would understand but this just went from a marriage that seemed like a lot of fun to "I want to be your best friend" to "I hate you" all in the space of 3 months........unbelievable.
The only thing I have done since she dropped the bomb was to continue to enjoy myself without her and let her know that I will give her what she is entitled to financially and that's it. Well and also put my foot down re blaming my S for this.
Funny when i gave her what she supposedly wanted she looks even more miserable. The only thing I can think of is she thought I would crawl away crying when she said she was leaving and i disappointed her there.
Even after reading all I could on the WAW topic I still have no understanding of whats going on in her head and guess I never did.
So our house is going to be listed on Monday. She is still REALLY angry at the stance I took regarding not blaming my kid. She came out of it for a bit yesterday but then slammed me again for it this morning. I just stood firm and told her I did what I believe to be right and she was being very immature ( probably not a good word to use and didn't help much).
We then started talking about finding new places to live and I mentioned i had already contacted a Realtor ( to purchase new place ) and that caused another outburst as she said i should have coordinated with her before doing this. I just calmly said that she made the decision to separate and my only responsibility right now is to look after myself and my S to which she responded "must be nice for you" very sarcastic.
It seems like there is nothing i can do that doesn't set her off. Should I just ignore these outbursts or confront her on them ?
For someone who says she wants to remain friends after this is all over she is sure burning a lot of bridges ( I would have to do a lot of soul searching before i could decide on the friends route right now ). I already told her I have no intention of hanging out with her after this. She suggested we could hang around together with our current friends and then have separate lives on the side. My response was WTF followed by "you gotta be kidding". Do these walkaways think they can leave and then still control your life......amazing.
Then I get the "I really like you as a friend" line !!
i am lucky in the fact that I do have sufficient finances and support for my S to enable us to rebuild but buying a new home should be an exciting time and right now its really bumming me out.
I am just hoping now that we can separate as soon as possible as nothing good is going to come of living together right now. Maybe some time out on her own dealing with real life is the only chance of her coming around.
A Friend is a very special person. Friends stay by each other through anything and everything that life throws at us. Friends would give their lives for their friendship. Friends don’t hurt each other physically or emotionally. Friends don’t lie or cheat. Friends love unconditionally and without bias.
True friendship is everything the marriage should be, just without the sex.
I did not try to imply that friendship could not exist between you should M eventually end. I just have a hard time hearing that “friendship” BS from WAS at this very time after they have destroyed, cheated, disrespected, etc.
I would simply say : “I am sorry but friendship is not what I can consider right at the moment.”
Angry=frustrated=skeptical=selfish
She is angry at herself. You may want to think about why that is, but you can’t stop her from being mad at herself. Only she can do that.
