New Game- Exposed

[steady]

CD, it's funny you asked this. Last night I was thinking about some of the back and forth going on in this thread and it dawned on me we may not be in common agreement on the definition of love. I really didn't want to post about it because it goes off into a whole philosophical discussion in which there is no agreement on a single definition.

Some people think another person 'loves' them and cares about them only when they are abusing them. Some people think they are being loved when a person spends quality time with them. Isn't that what the Love Languages book is all about?

So from this perspective, is love really a feeling or an emotion in and of itself? Or is it a combination of actions and words which kick off a feeling which we call love. It seems it is a subjective thing - meaning something for each different person.

How do you know someone loves you?

The way he looks at me.
The way we spend time together.
I feel it in his/her touch.
I have heard it said here when 'being in love' has been referenced, that it's actually attraction. (This makes sense to me)
What gucci often refers to as I love, I interpret as attraction. Again, this is my personal take on it. You won't get and KEEP a woman because they lost attraction. Now there are many studies on creates attraction. There's a whole group of PUA's (Pick Up Artists) who have gone so far as to break it down into a step by step process which resembles a scientific experiment.

What creates attraction? Respect, Subconscious leanings, environment, modeling our parents relationship, looks, smells, personality, manerisms, confidence, action, independence, money, security, etc... I think the list can go on and on. Each quality having a different value for each person.

It ends up getting into an exercise in mental masturbation.

Personally, I think there is a huge component which we aren't even conscious of. Some posit attraction comes from a need to work out childhood issues regarding our relationships with our parents which were never resolved. Some think it's divine intervention. Some say it's just a biological mechanism.

Why do people who marry alcoholics tend to be attracted to similar people over and over. Not the drinking, but the issues and baggage which the alcohol is only a symptom. Why do we talk about 'Daddy issues'? Why are some people attracted to people who are not capable of real connection? Some say safety - so they don't get hurt; some say commonality because they can't connect either. Unresolved issues? Issues that need to brought to the surface so they can be worked on? Isn't it ironic our WAS actually created the opening for us to look at the issues we now talk about working on?

We can go on and on.

It can be argued that we don't actually feel love. Not in the sense in which the supposed great meditators etc... have experienced.

When I actually look at it I see we can't feel another persons 'love'. As a matter of fact, we actually can't feel any emotions from another person.

When a person is angry, we don't feel THEIR anger. We feel our reaction to their anger - whether it's anxiety, fear, our own anger, etc...

What do we feel when we think we love someone? We feel happy, at peace, comfortable, fulfilled, blissful, ecstatic? - these are all questions not statements.

I have heard it like this - what you feel when you think someone else loves you is the feeling arising in you when your search for that stops and the endless chatter in your mind slows down. Same as when you buy a new car, get a new toy, arrive at a goal you have been shooting for.

I believe this feeling we call love is always conditional. But I also don't believe it's love at all.

I'll love you if....
I'll stay with you if.....
I'll help you if....
I'll punish you if....

Does it really matter?