The first time we separated was in the 3rd year of our marriage. It's an unusual situation in that we were involved in this church that was very hardcore and demanding. He said they controlled our lives and he wanted out. Looking back, I agree - the church was really cultish. But anyway, at that time he blamed me for getting us involved and said he had to get away from the situation, and from me, because obviously I wanted to be part of it, etc... I tried telling him otherwise but just like now, he "couldn't see loving me again in that way." He left me with our 2 oldest children being very young at the time, 3rd not born yet. Now, he didn't spend much on being separated because he went to stay with one of his friends on base - he was in the military. So, no money wasted. At that time I had already read Dobson's Tough Love book and so I was successful in manning the line of self-respect - didn't beg or plead for him to come back, etc... For a couple of months we communicated about the kids and that was basically it. Oh, he also refused MC at that time: went once and that was all. After several months of separation, H was deployed to the Gulf. He wrote occasionally and called - checked on the kids. Eventually he started saying there might be a chance for us, etc... and we reconciled. So, I would say that my letting go brought him back. It was kind of DBing without knowing it.
I truly can't say he wasted money in the process though. Quite frankly, his guilt probably kept him from wasting money - having left me with 2 young kids.
When he then had the EA in our 7th year of marriage, it was all through online gaming sites. Can't say he wasted any money there either. When I caught him (discovered some emails) he was shocked I found out but ended it immediately. It lasted for about 3 months I would say before I found out.
Now, more recently, I also can't say he has wasted a ton of money, but yes, some here and there. $50 for that background check - the large screen tv for his XBox escape and of course, all the games (but boys benefit too), his trip to Vegas where he just "had to get away" and "deserved"....
BUT... I will concede that he has spent little on himself most of our years together. The biggest issue isn't how much he has spent on himself, but how he justifies all HIS purchases but none of mine.
