Stitching together a new quilt

[TimeHeals]

And the worst of it is, it makes me feel so down it drains me of the energy and motivation I need to be able to turn those areas of my life I'm dissatisfied with, around. I'm so stuck.

Thoughts, 2x4s, suggestions, any and all would be appreciated.

It all starts one tiny thing at a time over time. You are walking regularly, right? Give that time. Everything you do to turn things around no matter how small, will pay huge dividends over time, but you have to stick with it.

[FindingMyVoice]

Everything you do to turn things around no matter how small, will pay huge dividends over time, but you have to stick with it.

Yah, thanks Time. I guess I just get tired of 'trying' all the time, you know? So many of the things in my life that I try so hard at, only seem to end up marginally successful, like my career and my physical health. And when H and I have a setback, it really wears me out. It makes me wonder - shouldn't some things in life just be easier? Sometimes I hear people say that if you're on the right track in your life - doing what you're meant to be doing - you get this 'flow'; things just work themselves out. Makes me wonder if I'm really going where I should be or not.

[TimeHeals]

It makes me wonder - shouldn't some things in life just be easier?

I guess that depends on how you look at it.

At one point in my life, I dropped out of college for 7 years. When I returned and had selected a new major, I figured out that if I didn't go straight into calculus, that I would be in college over a year longer, so my first quarter I took Calculus I. Now, I had no memory of things like geometry and trig, so my decission was radical.

I failed the first two tests. I was a straight A student otherwise, but Calculus was kicking my butt. I bought books on trig and other classes I should have taken, and I stayed up nights after work doing remedial work.

Going into the Final Exam, I needed an A (never got one in this class) to get a passing 'C' in Calc I. I took the final, and since my prof posted grades on his door over the weekend, I went to the university Saturday night to see my final grade: I got an 'A' on the final. I went from being lost to the highest grade on the final in 10 short weeks, but it was a huge struggle for me.

Calc II & III were easy As. My minor became mathematics.

I went from struggling (my whole life) with math to liking it and selecting it as my minor because it became easy, but it took work to get to where it just flowed.

Life is kind of like that: some folks make things seem easy, but that's only because you don't see the sweat and dedication they invested in what they are doing up front. Over time, those things become 2nd nature to them.

Thinking...

I was watching the Winter Olympics' Snow Board half-pipe competition last Winter, and Shaun White did amazing things. I found myself wondering how many times he had falled, wiped out, etc on even the basics while growing up and learning to do this. He made it look so easy, and nobody could touch his performance. Yeah, he was a "natural" it seemed, but how did he get there?

[dburt]

Great Post!!!! Time, this is the secret to everything.

Here is my example, I have owned my business for almost 15 years (energy consulting). With the changes that comes over that long of a period, it had become harder and harder to make a buck.

My partner and I decided last October to start a solar company, and not just a solar company that puts a couple panels on a residential roof, but installations that will cover 10 acres of land.

Only one thing, we knew nothing about it. We only knew that the environment was changing in the solar industry, solar product prices were dropping and incentives to put up solar projects were increasing. We learned all we could about the business and in 2 or 3 months we landed our first customer.

It was a big one, he wanted a specific return and to get that we had to install the largest solar farm in the state. We met with the local electrical provider and they put up wall after wall after wall. I felt like giving up 5 or 6 times, but I knew that if it was easy, everyone would be doing it and not just a few.

For 6 months we spoke with the electric provider and had governors and congressmen to call on our behalf and then just 2 weeks ago we were approved for a $6.7 million project, not bad sales for the first year.

I also have this same mentality for my R with my W, as long as I keep working on it, and continue to do the right things, I will eventually get what I want in the end.

We now have projects in Ontario Canada and South Carolina, With potential projects in Oregon and California and the most important thing was to have the guts to stick with it and fight through the tough times with a smile on your face and a determination in your gut.

Burt

[TimeHeals]

Congradulations, Burt.

And thanks for sharing. Others don't see the moments of self-doubt, the set backs, and the failures leading up to success. But one thing about a little success, if you remember how you got there, you know that achieving any future success requires the same kind of tenacity that helped you achieve the successes of your past. The bigger the possible reward, the more serious the challenges.

[dburt]

You have no idea how many ups and downs we have received in that time period, many times we said, well that is it, we're not going to get it, only to later on look at it another way, and press on.

Burt

[FindingMyVoice]

Life is kind of like that: some folks make things seem easy, but that's only because you don't see the sweat and dedication they invested in what they are doing up front. Over time, those things become 2nd nature to them.

Thanks for the excellent posts, Time & dburt. (And sorry, this is likely gonna be long - just have to think a few things out)

I know you're both exactly right - my head gets it. My heart keeps interrupting though and saying things like - 'yes but dburt and Time must be so much smarter than I am ... I could never accomplish anything like that'. I'm just a flaky artist - I'll never amount to anything that important'.

So when I'm telling myself stuff like that I guess it's not a surprise the struggle I have weathering the tough times. As long as everything's going good I'm good. But the moment I fall on my *ss, it takes me ages to get back up again.

I wonder if that's why I keep getting so overly reactive when my H and I have a setback. We had some friction last week and what did I do? Got completely, utterly depressed, cried alone for a while then sat down at the computer and started looking for apartments. I figured 'well, I guess that's it. All that work was for nothing, we really weren't meant to be together.' [edit: of course, I didn't end up actually leaving; one of my friends talked some sense back into me]

All this work I've been doing trying to raise my self esteem; maybe I should also be reading that book by Seligman - Learned Optimism I think it is. Maybe self-esteem/self-worth and optimism kind of work together; or are two sides of the same coin. If I felt more optimistic and believed in my capabilities more, maybe I wouldn't want to give up and run away, every time I make a mistake, or come up against something challenging.

Well, thanks again guys. Congratulations on your solar project dburt. Congrats too, on your studies and your 'A', Time (calculus...brrrr...scary!!).

[TimeHeals]

Congrats too, on your studies and your 'A', Time (calculus...brrrr...scary!!).

LOL, that was 20 years ago (but you can see it left an impression). Smile.

[Concerned_Listener]

Maybe self-esteem/self-worth and optimism kind of work together; or are two sides of the same coin. If I felt more optimistic and believed in my capabilities more, maybe I wouldn't want to give up and run away, every time I make a mistake, or come up against something challenging.

FMV,
Lapses into old patterns are going to happen. Are you working on an intervention to change your reactive patterns? The goal would be reduce the duration and frequency of the lapses. Is this being addressed in psychotherapy? Have you found a self-help book that teaches you skills to counter these patterns?

CL

[FindingMyVoice]

Morning, CL and thanks for your questions. Unfortunately my IC is away for the summer, but it will be the first thing I ask her about in our session in Sept. So currently, the answer is no - I really don't know what to do to change how reactive I get. I'd certainly appreciate if you could suggest any books that addresses this. Thanks again, FMV.