Hey, TG. In retrospect, I found Gucci's remarks quite pertinent.
One of his main themes throughout all the posts he has made I have ever found (watching you, Gucc!) is this one:
Originally Posted By: Gucci Loafer
Why would I want to be with someone who clearly says they don't want me? And act out as such to prove it?
And then you wrote this:
Originally Posted By: Truegritter
Why would I want to be with someone who doesn't want me back? I am not measuring my self worth on whether my confused and scared wife wants me back right now.
This was also interesting:
Originally Posted By: Truegritter
your premise and advice is coming from the the study of love from the perpective ...of high school girls. That is pretty much where a WAS is on the emotional development curve when they leave. They have regressed. And that is how they are behaving... Like a 16 year old.
And he's absolutely correct. And so is your take. So the "dig" was unnecessary. And, upon further reflection, and in keeping with where Sandi2 and others (thanks, Coach!)I have melded a few of their views together into this:
I met my wife when she was 22. I was 40. I was "the core ME" then. She was attracted to that. Over time and under pressure, I lost me and she lost the attraction. I ceased to be "catnip". REGARDLESS of the outcome at this point, and FOR ME, I need to get back what I lost/regain ME and, in so doing, I'll become the same "catnip" I was....for somebody. Just don't know WHO yet. However, and I wish I could remember (Puppy?)
Originally Posted By: unknown w/aplogies
NO ONE is better suited RIGHT NOW to be my W's husband than YOU!
So the quicker I can re-establish myself as MY priority and get myself on track, the sooner that I will the same (nay, BETTER) person that my W's "young" brain (attraction programming still there)fell in love with initially.
NOT that that is my motive. But, again, the real detachment I am developing in order to protect my D and I, will also play into the common thought (in Infidelity) that" It's difficult to pursue something that isn't moving away fom you"
I don't want anyone to believe that I'm all "Hope and Roses" but my time away yesterday (18 holes!) and my thoughts and reading this morning, have put some things in perspective.
Originally Posted By: Gucci
No matter how hard we try, if you are not treated back with some type of love, it goes STRAIGHT into your memory bank.
Originally Posted By: Trugritter
And what is stored in that memory chip? Anger?Resentment?
Absolutely But if we don't "address" THAT issue, we'll all eventually end up on this forum.
The anger and resentment lead to the "hopelessness" and subsequent "secrets" that are the CANCERS of M's. And I've learned that now.
DOING something about the bhvr that you file away that festers into the 'Cancer' is the basis for everything we all read- Love Languages DR/DB His Need, Her Needs No More Mr Nice Guy HTIYMWTAI etc
And this is where: -Self-respect -Boundaries -GAL (and KEEPING IT) -Maintaining an "end goal/future plan" for the M come into play.
