The in laws are much like an affair wtih a third party interfering to the negative. I am sure you have heard this before.
yes, i've always felt like there was another woman in our marriage and that was my mil.
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Your H is terribly immature. There is a lot of emotional development that should take place in a person before they enter a marriage.... IF that development isn't there problems are going to arise...
he felt i was the one who was immature. and then i listen to his arguments and i feel like i can't get into this argument because it'd be like arguing with a 3 yr old.
some vets who have heard me since day 1, has said that they felt that i was more like the 'h' in the marriage. i was more logical and i made decisions with my brain and not my heart. whereas my h made decisions based on emotion. even throughout the d, i have been steady/stable and less emotional in front of him. he has been very emotional. fighting over things like a child. throwing temper tantrums because he didn't get his way. it hurts to see the man i loved so much behave like this.
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Your H cannot manage conflict effectively in his life. He acts to suppress his discomfort rather than addressing the problem instead.
his father embarrassed me in public once. i was furious. and i let my h know. and my h did not want to confront his father. eventually he did and he was not happy about confronting his father. he would have rather i sucked it up.
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He cannot negotiate equally with someone else...
my l has asked me to negotiate my separation agreement with him. i am scared out of my mind. i know it will be like talking to a 3 yr old and even if i'm there to negotiate in good faith, i am concerned he will be emotionally riled up that we won't get anywhere. my l knows i want to reconcile. and he said this is your opportunity to test the waters after a separation period. if he is still the a*hole that he was, then at least you walk away knowing you tried.
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I don't know if he's compelled to please his parents or if they are just too involved in his life.
it's both. his mother is constantly telling him that he's all they have. they don't want to lose him. his father might die .. his father is living on borrowed time. you should be spending all of your time with us because we don't know how long we have to live.
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At this point he may be seeking out their advice but they are actively manipulating him as well or have been...
yes he has. he calls them every day. and they call him every day .. at all times of the day. it's like they are keeping tabs on him. when his mother was here to help him pack, she'd act like a high school girl and my h was her bf .. she'd run off and pout if her bf was talking to another girl (me). like grow up.
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MIL he MAY end up having an affair when his parents pass away... THAT is my biggest concern right now here is that he is SO dependent on them emotionally right now that their loss is going to hit him so hard he won't be able to deal.
i would have been his rock. i know his parents will pass. so will mine. and i know during those tough times, you need support. good support. i am also concerned that he may have an affair at that point.
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You would need a really good FT that told his parents IN SESSION to lay off and let him live his own life
he wasn't willing to go to mc. he went to ic to work out his issues but i don't think he's continued his sessions. you want to know how i found out about db.com? his ic told him about the divorce busting by michelle weiner-davis. he was also told to read the book 'tuesdays with morrie'. i don't think he's read them otherwise, he wouldn't have continued to behave the way he has.
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Him having an affair isnt' the biggest problem if he was... His parents are a much bigger problem. They would probably even support the affair if he started one would they not?
that would hurt me so much. what kind of parents would support their son in having an affair or multiple trysts like that?
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I don't think he would start an affair unless his parents endorsed it to be honest...
