My H is so arrogant and full of pride that even if he came out of the tunnel I'm not sure that he would ever admit his losses. Of course this begs the question if he is so arrogant - why would I want him back?:)
Was he this way before he went in the tunnel? Why did you marry him?
This is a post of mine from Upside's thread:
Quote:
I read this book that Snodderly suggested.
The Pain Behind The Mask: Overcoming Masculine Depression by John Lynch, Christopher T. Kilmarting It explains some of this in much more detail.
This is a review that I wrote on this book, if it helps at all.
There are two things that I want to write down from this book although it gives some great advice and stories. First on Page 6 "Depression is a collection of symptoms that results from some kind of unresolved conflict"
2ND - The Masculine Dilemma :" Not Too close Not Too Far Away" This axiom is for boys with their mother and men with their wives. Many on this board will relate to this with their WH who run to the OW but keep their wives ..... "Not too close not too far away" This also has to do with dependence,independence, and counterdependence.
Basically the other main point of the book is that men tend to hide their depression. (look at the title) Most men are so invovled with masculine tendencies that they overlook their feelings and don't realize they are in pain.
The mask that they hide behind does not permit you to see his real pain. Believe me it is there. As far as how often it happens? My question is does that really matter? Are you going to base your marriage on percentages? If it is 1 out of 100 and you are the 1, how will you know now? If it is 99 out of 100 and you are the 1, is there any difference. I will say that a lot of the marriages that fail it is because the LBS gives up. There are no Guarantees in MLC. You must risk everything in order to succeed. The MLC will more than likely end but it might take a short time and it might take a long time. No one knows how long it will take.
