How To Tell The Kids

[A_goodman]

Dan-O,

You do have my strength. I see it in your posts to others. It's easy to be strong for your pals when they need it.

As far as my sitch, well, I'm just as weak and stupid as the rest of us. I'm working hard to get everything right, but I still fight to control my emotions from time to time and I still get sucked in to having discussions once in a while. She can still manipulate me to a degree, but I'm working hard to recognize it and out-flank her when it happens.

Its the classic scenario. There's good days and bad days. Only, the good days are those that merely suck when I think about it. The bad days are when I can't stop myself from thinking about it.

I'm also am fighting on a more level playing field than you are, She makes almost as much as I do, and I might have enough equity to buy her out if/when the time comes. Plus, I don't think there's an OM right now. Besides, you are farther along the process than me. So all in all, I have far less fecal matter to contend with. I would be hard pressed to deal as well as you have if I was in the same boat.

I'm proud of you. you should be too.

I know one thing. I'd be a basket case if I hadn't found this forum. The changes I've made with the help and advice I've recieved here has saved me. I'm not the wounded animal I was. I'm a new man. With only scars to prove what I used to be.

[A_goodman]

Pup, you kill me.

Since, you brought Deputy Fife into the discussion...

Dan, your W should go all the way though. Maybe she should try and get you to finance a motorcycle (with a side car, no less) and outfit it with the big bush on front so she can ride around town "incognito"

"if you can't beat em, make fun of em" - socrates?

[dday101798]

I'm a new man. With only scars to prove what I used to be.

Our scars remind us of where we've been, but do not dictate where we are going.

In time, you will not get, "sucked in". I know it sounds "anti-DB" or something, but I knew I was really getting into (x)W's mindset when she'd start, and I just wasn't really into hearing it anymore, and my whole attitude, face and body gesture just said, (and some times even direct from my mouth) "so, what kind of b/s you gonna flip my way now?". But, it was the style it was done with that really got under her skin. Once I found that power, man, I ran with it.

[Coach]

"if you can't beat em, make fun of em" - socrates?

One of my favs:

"Joke 'em if they can't take a $@#*."

[LSG]

DanF,

Good luck looking at the houses today. I hope you find a really nice one for you and the kids.

I am rooting for you. It is just the beginning. You will be okay when all is said and done. You have some peace and know what your life is. It will only become better.

[DanF]

This one is REALLY long, and I hate doing it, but it is worth sticking with!

Soooooo......It was a GREAT day today. Nothing about W bugged me at all today.

Started out the morning with a dr. apptmt. Took care of some work on the way to the doc. Got a refill for my goofballs! Doc asked how things were going, so I told him W filed and I have to be out of the house by 9/1. He said he didn't realize things were so serious. He had advised me to back off of W back in Feb, but I really couldn't. He said I seemed much better and more understanding of the situation than I was back then. I told him about you guys and how much help you have all been!!

From there, I met the appraiser at my house. She knows my mortgage lady too. She loved the house and the view. Said it is probably only worth MAYBE $40k more than our mortgage. Waiting for the final numbers. If that is true, after fees, there would be less than $20k for me and W to split. I think the $40k number might be high too. So, it may be cheap to buy out W, the only problem is I won't be able to refi and get W off the mortgage due to the loan to value ratio being too high. We'll have to duke this one out. Maybe she stays on the mortgage for a couple years until I can save $ to refi or the market goes up a bit. Better than starting over with a rental, I think.

Started putting together numbers to PROVE that W will not be able to afford our house once the D is final. Even with all the $ I pay her, she won't have enought to pay mortgage, taxes, insurance, utilities, cable, etc AND still be able to eat and buy clothes. It may be tough for me too, but I think I can probably swing it. Just have a few more numbers to put together.

Looked at quite a few houses today, at least drove by them. One owned by a guy at work sounded good, but it is right next to the railroad tracks. Think I'll skip it. Another guy at work has a pretty nice place, but it isn't available until a month avter I need it. Saw some crappy looking little places, but they may be ok inside. Also got a line on a 3br townhouse, which would be nice, since I wouldn't have to do any yard work. More fishing time!

Then there is a house across the street from another friend at work. It is a nicer house than mine, that the guy has been trying to sell for about 7 months. Friend asked him if he would like to rent it our. I'm only looking to spend $1,000 - $1,200 so I can still afford everything else. He is asking $1,500, but has sympathy for my plight. I still have to talk to him personally, but will see if he is willing to come down at all. Even if not, I may try to stretch for it, since my friend is right there. The place also has an in ground pool....POOL PARTY!

Late afternoon I decided to stop by the bar to see little blondie. Only 1 other guy in the place. Told her I'd have the usual and she knew what it was!! Chatted a bit and then mentioned that I still had a ticket for the upcoming Stone Temple Pilots show and asked her if she'd be interested in going. She asked me which day it was. 8/16 I told her. She looked at the calendar and said, unfortunatley, I will be in WI Dells that day, otherwise I would have gone. I said, ok, maybe next time. Major f-ing ego boost there! Made my day! Now I just have to find another date to take her on. Woohoo!!!!

Had one beer and left there to go to co-parenting class with W. We rode together and chatted a bit. At class, we ran into her "friend" from work, who isn't really her friend. This is the woman whom W had ridiculed last year for staying out intil 2 and 3am at the bars. She would come home and her husband would mutter JC. Well, this woman found her "soulmate" at the bar last year and had been on the outs with her H since. She recently announced to everyone at "Book Club", that she was finally getting divorced. Now my W goes and does the very same thing after soundly criticizing this woman last year. WTF??

The class was all about how not to screw your kids-up. It was enlightening, but nothing that you really don't already know. I was actually ok with being there. At first, I felt like a LOSER sitting in a divorce class full of people and I was mad at W for causing me to have to be there. I also felt bad about how this will affect my kids, but a short way into the class I was happy and smiling the rest of the way. Life is what you make it, right? Make mine FUN!

Did the math on my bonus and all our debts. Entire bonus is essentially spoken for and we haven't even paid the atty's fees yet. Good, she can pay her own!

Going to IC tomorrow, doing a little work and then packing for vacation. REALLY looking forward to it. It will be great fun fishing with the kids.

I don't know why, but today I feel like I have completely dropped the rope. On the way home from class, I bought W dinner at taco bell. She reached into her purse to get a few $ to pay me and I said, don't worry about it. I've got it. She said thanks. Tonight we had a couple beers and talked about the kids. It doesn't seem to phase me anymore. Go ahead, do whatever you like W. I know I'm going to be happy whatever happens. I'm just that kind of guy. Plus, I;ve come to realize just how many people really do care about me and it feels good.

Hopefully that lasts for a while. That house with the pool would be VERY COOL! Maybe skinny dip with blondie some night!!

Take care guys and sorry I haven't been on your threads much. I will probably check-out for the most part next week while I am gone. Not much inet reception "up north". I'll try to check in once in a while if I can.

Thanks everybody for helping to keep me sane!

Sorry for such a long post. I always have trouble reading those myself.

[A_goodman]

Sierra hotel my friend!

Have fun this week. I'm bugging out with the kids until t
Tuesday myself. Then turning around and doing six flags the next weekend. W got some free ducats and is going too, so I plan on totally relaxing and recharging on the first trip anyway.

I'm glad to hear the relief I imagine is real. Not sure if I hope it works out that way, but it's good not to be scared of it.

Cheers.

[pinhead]

Dan, you sound good. Enjoy the lack of tension in your rope.

[dday101798]

Dan you sound well, keep it up.

However................

Had one beer and left there to go to co-parenting class with W.

Don't EVER do that again! Not even one!!! The results could be disasterous!!!

[DanF]

Ok dday. Thanks for the reminder. No more classes to go to.

This was rthe only chance I was going to have to see blondie before the show. Guess I dhould have had a Coke instead.

Waiting at IC right now. Then have to finish my estimates and go take a look at the big house with the pool!

Talk to you all later.