OK for the latest : last night H came to bath S, he was in a very shut off mood again, didnt really open up to any conversation, but wasnt being angry, just closed. If I said how r u doing? he said fine, at that point I knew its gonna be one of those evenings, so just let him be and went about my own things merrily. He saw this and then decided ok he'll go play with S, and they had a bit of a romp together.
Put S to bed, and hot footed out the door, he saw I was making curry, and I dont think he wanted to stay incase I offered him some!! yikes! anyway, it wasnt really good, I always feel slightly deflated after eves like that, just because even if it were someone else, a friend, id feel the same way after such an uninteractive evening.
This morning, totally different mood, came bounding in, as he came in I asked him to please get something out the boot of my car, he said sure! and said open the boot with the key (its a super fancy car, got all the fancy things in it - half of which I dont know how to use, if it were up to me Id be driving a small skidonk, never really cared about what I drove as long as it was reliable) - anyway, i grabbed the remote, and I usually open the boot with my hand, you know, the old fashioned way! But lo and behold this fancy car has a button that does it for you, which I never use. So he says press that button, gesture over, cause he can see my pressing the living daylights out of it, and nothing happening. So he smiles, and chuckles a bit, and says, you have to HOLD it down. So I said OH, and did...and pop!
Anyway, he knows I've always been like that, and before, just post bomb, hed get annoyed by stuff like that, but today he thought it was cute, when he came in he sort of jokingly tapped my head with the roll of wrap paper i asked him to get, and said, 'silly, you really need to learn how to use that car' and smiled. This is quite unusual for him - the head tapping thing, its the sort of thing that he doesn do naturally, it must have been done on purpose.
Any way , he was very chatty and even spoke about getting me a new camera (theres a special going) - he said it could be my christmas present (he never buys things ON the occasion its usually at any given time, and then he sort of allocates it to the next avaiable occasion , bday, xmas etc)
So he trying to be nice. We spoke about his new house. I was happy for him, and he said he couldnt stay in that apartment anymore (guilt, justification), so I said I dont blame him, and smiled and was interested etc.
He also asked me what would suit me best for this weekend, - he is taking S with him for a weekend away with his parents, so he wanted to know if he wanted S to sleep at his new house or at my place, I said, it didnt matter - whatevers more convenient for him, cause hed have to drive out of his way, so I said its ok for him to keep S there at his house. He's being very careful about asking me, and checking with me, not sure of his motivation though.
Anyway so he left on a positive note. Argh this up and down, its just so weird. But at least it doesnt effect me like it used to.
I also think alot of the stuff he does now is out of guilt? and I also think he might be using me a bit, for comfort/companionship? So I dont really like that feeling, and it sort of helps with the detachment a bit at least
Ho hum, off to gym for me now then to the drawing board (work)
