I read an article that talked about FOO stuff, especially for families affected by alcoholism. The roles that each member takes on.
Made me think of my sister. I don't think too many here will remember our background... suffice to say that we grew up in dysfunction, 10 years apart. I was older, so she had to deal with an alcoholic who was 10 years deeper into their illness, while also dealing with me "abandoning" her when I went away to college, graduated and married a week later - she was only 8 when I moved out.
We are not in contact at present. She most-likely has untreated bi-polar. And I am just coming to understand how our roles, how what I did, came to influence her.
So, my conflict: After all I've learned, I'd like to apologize and make any amends that I could to her for my part in the dynamic. It was so much more than I could comprehend for a very long time.
But I'd also like to respect her choice to have no contact with me (or any of our family). I think one of her coping strategies is to cut off connections to everyone who might hurt her through abandonment, argument, judgement or death.
Might be another place to write a letter that never gets mailed.....
Anyway, my thoughts for tonight. I wonder if my life is just getting so settled right now that I am jonesin' for some drama.....?
