The goals you set are for YOU, regardless of what your H says or does. Forget about him right now. While in the MLC tunnel he is no good to you anyway.
Believe nothing of what he says and only half of what he does.
When he starts to spew his drivel end the conversation politely but firmly. Tell him you would be glad to talk to him later when he is calmer. DO NOT show him anger during a conversation. Keep cool and collected. Would that be a big 180 for you? Do not initiate any R talks yourself, validate what he is saying.
2, the thing you have to understand and accept is that your H doesn't want to be with you right now. Through your actions show him that you understand that and that you will be OK. Confidence is attractive.
Tell us some of the goals you have set up for yourself.
Congratulations on your new baby girl! And that's just the way you should look at it. Having a baby doesn't keep a marriage together, and the sex of the baby doesn't either. Now you will have 3 beautiful little girls and he will have . . . . .what?
If he turns his back on his family, his loss. You listen to the others here and be strong for your girls and for yourself. Be the grown up in this picture. As much as you grieve, he is doing this to himself and you can't fix him. So at some point, you have to let it go.
2, Truegritter and seeking answers have excellent advice! Powerful too! The one thing I think all DBers sometime forget is than in putting MWD's practices into play is that true DBing I'd working on ourselves... GAL, 180s, all of it, is to make us LBS stronger, more independent, confident, and content within ourselves. In the process of doing so, we not only becoime the most fabulous version of ourselves, but we learn to realize we deserve more from our spouses or M and also we get to sit back, look at perhaps the ways we've handled situations in our M and learn from them and grow. In the end it is not up to us if our WAS will return, but for us its a win/win situation! We are happier with our own being, and have a life of our own! And we learn that another human doesn't make our life better. If they do come back, we still are fabulous and our S's wil notice it and love us all the more for it!
Yes! Start from scratch. Its hard to remove WAS when doing this but start and you'll soon see that YOU are the most important person right now and your little girls! I read your reasons for wanting a boy, but from my experience, it doesn't make one bit a difference.
Detach yourself from H for now! Work on you! And start dreaming a lbeautiful life for your family!
I know I know... Easier said than done. Believe me I know. But try. Because you deserve it! You deserve happiness. We all do. And we are the only ones who can make that happen for ourselves.
This divorce will never be busted. I now it deep inside. He just made sure he printed off some paperwork for his L in front of me, 10 mins before he had to head home, and after a decent wknd. No matter how good things go he's going to file to prove his point that he's done with me' and doesn't want or need me. He wont be here next wknd, supposedly has to work, I guess ita bc Friday Is my birthday. He's filing on 8/30. I told him no matter his rush to file while I'm pregnant this can take maybe 1-3 yrs to be final. He said that's fine he's still doing it now.
He knows I have no money for a L, being that I have not begun working since I moved up here 2 hrs from home. He just wants to see me' screwed. He said I don't need a L, we can just agree to everything ahead of time.
There's no point in DBing, this will never be busted. He's filing while I'm 6 1/2 mths pg on purpose. He has no heart.
M:28 H:30 DD-9| DD-7| Baby- Due 11/10 T-14 | M-8
10/08- Bomb 4/09- Failed attempt at Marriage Fitness Program 3/10- WH moved out. 7/10- Informed me he's filing in Aug
A little after I wrote this, he sent me a text and said never to contact him until the day he dies, unless it's about the kids or bills for the kids.
Why would you keep pursuing a man who would continually hurt you like his has? Save/print all this kind of mess that he has emailed you(for a lawyer)and then do what everyone has told you. Let him go, leave him alone, and go forth with a life with your children. Do you really want a man who doesn't want you? Don't you deserve better?
I know a wonderful, wonderful young man who M a divorced mother of three. He gave all his love, time, and energy to that woman and her three children. The kids grew up and adored him as the fantastic step-dad he was. It can happen. You can have a good life but you've got to let go of this before you can.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
and our S's wil notice it and love us all the more for it!