I didn't even finish reading this article, and I just had to share it with you:
Quote:
Making Your Bed August 5, 2010 by Susan J. Elliott requested repost:
When I was submitting the Getting Past Your Breakup book manuscript I fretted sometimes about making the MoAB look like the bananahead he is. My youngest son said to me, “if you don’t want to wind up in someone’s book looking like an [censored], maybe you shouldn’t be an [censored].” After a breakup (sometimes many many years later) some of us have these insane loyalties to our exes who behaved badly or did not give what we needed or was the other half of a dysfunctional relationship or….(insert whatever here).
We feel guilty if they have a birthday, a sick family member, a lost job. We think that we should be there. If they don’t want to pay child support or want to change visitation every other week, we think it’s okay. It’s NOT okay.
Or we refuse to cut off all means of contact or get a restraining order or pull the plug on that joint savings account or file for child support OR WHATEVER because he or she can’t handle it.
We feel sorry for them or feel guilty or weak or some other craziness.
We can feel whatever we want. Feelings should not dictate what we do or do not do.
Feelings are important indicators for us when they’re not mucked up with other garbage (skewed thinking, unacknowledged dysfunction). But when they are mucked up, they are just some random form of insanity. And feelings like guilt for leaving an unhealthy situation or feelings of pity for someone who has hurt us are definitely random forms of insanity...
