The dissolution papers arrived today for signing. I'll do that this morning, then send them off to the courthouse. There'll be a hearing in 4 - 6 weeks, then we're done. I have to call today and set a time to attend the parenting seminar soon too.
Financially, I'm broke until stbx produces the settlement money. Negative cash flow here, told him about it and showed him the budget numbers. He said "he understood" and would "act quickly" after the D was granted, but no offers to help in the meantime.
And just to top it off, I have a nasty viral infection that just won't go away.
I don't feel good today, but I hope your week is off to a nice start, my friends.
Hugs to you too, sweetie and hope you get better soon.
I am surprised that you weren't given some maintenance until your d is final. That just doesn't sound right to me.
Anyway, you are doing so good and I always look forward to reading your threads. You have made up your mind, moved forward, forward, forward, with no excuses, backsliding or whining.
One question- when is it OK to tell people you're not OK? I sent a note to my cousin to let her know the paperwork was filed and I'll be divorced soon, and she writes back that she hopes I'm OK, and that she loves me. Well, thanks, I do appreciate that, I really do, I love her too, but I'm not OK! I feel like if I tell her that I'm not, it's putting pressure on her to do something, and her statement to me feels like she doesn't want to have to do anything. Am I reading this wrong, or am I being too sensitive? When or how is it OK to say you need something, like maybe a little time to talk, from your friends and family without looking selfish? Or do I just suck it up and muddle through? I can do that.
I don't trust what I'm thinking/feeling, and I don't trust others to react positively back to me. I know that's fall-out from my marriage and something I'm working on in IC, but in the meantime, if anybody has any thoughts on the subject, I would love to explore this. Thanks-
I think people don't really know how to react to a D. So when someone tells them they have filed or are getting a D, they sort of want to not be involved in it cause they're not sure waht reaction you want (agreeing with you and/or telling you you've made a mistake or being against or for the divorce). Like perhaps they're trying to gauge how you feel about the D so that they can later react to it. Does that make sense? Also people tend not to want to press further. BUT I agree with you---D is heart-wrenching and sometimes all you want to do is pour your heart out to someone.
If your cousin asks how you're doing you could tell her you filed and are feeling down and would like to talk sometime about it with her, etc. She may feel awkward and unsure of how to respond to you if you don't let her know that you're "not ok" and want to talk.
Bunny, That's a tough one and an easy one at the same time. I have had tremendous, loving, patient support from a handful of fiends and my brother.
Sometimes I've wondered if they're sick of hearing me, I'm so repetitive, it's been twenty-plus months, now, etc.
At the same time, I've found honesty is the best policy (imagine that) and I usually reply - and sometimes initiate - with, "not particularly good today and sometimes I just want to ramble and have someone simply listen but I hold back at times figuring so many of you must be so sick of it all and I don't blame you. I would be, too."
And I'm honest and they're decent, responsive and still - still - understanding, concerned and patient.
Expect the best from people. Especially loved ones. They'll give it to you.
Anyway, my experience and $.02...
Peace,
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
I think you can tell the truth without drawing people in.
People I haven't seen since the drama started have asked me how I'm doing and I tell them the truth -- I'm going through a divorce and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
Lately, I find I haven't been pouring my heart out as much although tonight my uncle asked me "what happened" and that drew me into a 10 minute discussion.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
You have come such a long way, my friend, and I am so proud to have followed along..
Sorry you are feeling a bit down at the moment, but this too shall pass.
Here is my thoughts and feelings, just like Gardener, I leaned heavily on family and some very close friends, and that sometimes goes against DB advice.
However, I have found renewed strength, and stronger bonds from it with them, oddly enough for me, even with my guy friends. (Guys are supposed to be tough, and not talk about 'feelings' with there other guy friends...)
That true intimacy though with them, is what strengthened it, and I feel I was blessed to open up to them now.
It took me some courage to do so, but I was so well rewarded after, that I can't thank them enough.
Those are true family and friends, and if you open up to someone you may find a stronger bond than you thought was possible.
Take care, it's up to you, and you know the people in your life!
There is one thing I have truly learned, sometimes there is no 'right' decision about something, there is just a choice to make, and then you follow that path wherever it leads..
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
