I love you all for the support. Me being a cheap drunk, comes by way of an alcoholic sister who died in part because of her choice of men.
I know I need a 2 x 4 slapped upside my head, but I'm as down as I've ever been in my life. I'm 3/4 drunk and know that the man that I love doesn't love me, and probably never will again. The person I built my life around doesn't want me, or our life. My whole life is a joke! I don't want to fight this fight. I'd rather curl up and die. I've been kicked to the curb like a dirty tissue, and that's all I mean to him. All I can hope for is that this holds out til November so that I have fuckin health insurance. That's what I have to show for 20 years of love and devotion. I can hold out for the better deal in the divorce, but it doesn't change the worthless way I feel. I'm just a failure at anything that really matters in life.
Please forgive me for the self pitying rant, but I'm having a very hard time tonight. I guess I realize for the first time just how little I matter to my husband. Right now, a new day, a brighter plan, doesn't mean very much to me. I could die and he wouldn't care other than to collect the life insurance. Not a lot to show for 20 years, it is?
