Thank you SA, I know you mean well, but right now I feel like a total failure. All that the man that I've loved for 21 years wants more than anything in the world is to be away from me. I realize all the rationalizations. My friends tell me I'm so strong. I don't want to be strong anymore. I want my life back. Even the fantasy one I had created where my husband wasn't a drunk, psychologically damaged veteran who put his career before me every time. I don't know what stage this is for the LBS, but is sucks, believe me.
Let's call it a pity party. I'm trying to drink myself to pass out - doesn't take much, about a six pack, so I don't have to feel anymore. My husband doesn't want anything else from me but a signature to buy another home with the OW, free of me. Everything that we hoped and planned for for years is ashes. I don't feel like I matter anymore. I'm just a burdon he wants to be rid of. Right now, I feel that way myself.
