I completely understand what you're saying. There are many factors which make us more likely to D. Off the top of my head I've read - If one person is more educated than the other; big differences in income; etc...
I was only playing devil's advocate and have only my experience to go on, as you have yours. I don't discount anything that is pointed out because I never know when something someone says kicks me into something that puts me on a path I need to be on.
So I wasn't trying to show your POV as being somehow wrong because I don't feel that way. I'm finding there are so many ways to look at something and any side of an issue can be argued.
I thought about this today - the WAS can be talked into seeing their behavior differently than do about as much as we could have been talked into seeing how our behavior was affecting them. I know for myself, I was asleep and my W did bring it up a few times (trouble in the M) but she is now, I was in my own fog.
We're asking them to do what we didn't do. It doesn't change anything and it's just an observation.
The fact of the matter is this - If I was my W I would be doing exactly what she's doing. I would have her emotions, thoughts, past experience, childhood upbringing, her issues, her abilities, etc... If she were me, she'd be doing exactly what I'm doing.
We can't help but do the things we do. We can look back and make changes today based on what we see 'back there', but we'll still be doing what we're doing right now. I'm doing everything I'm doing based on the totality of me up until this point. Hopefully I grow and learn and the totality of me improves. Isn't it the same for all of us?
MySitch Me-47 STBXW-41 D-5 S-8 ILYBNILWY-01/08 Want a D- 01/09 Physical Sep-01/10 D filed-06/10 Got 50% custody=09/11 Ride that wave!
