I've been divorced for 5 years now - was on the board for 4 years before that - WOW! Anyway, everything settled down after years of hurt and anger and frustration. Suffice to say - few were worse than my ex. The affair, unbelievable cruelty - some abuse prior to the split etc.
We have a disabled son who is now 31. Although Ex had rarely seen him one he left - he insisted on bimonthly visitation. I reluctantly went along with it. My son is severely disabled - has nursing care in my home. Ex never helped with him in any way after he left. I take care of him and all medical visits, costs, arrangements etc. Ex often cancels. Takes him for a drive in his car for one hour every other week. He and I do not communicate and have not for several years due to his anger problems.
So - the question is this. I am planning to move to another town - app 3 hours away. Ex would not be able to visit as easily. He would still be welcome to visit our son as often as he does now if he wished to. But I am wondering if I am bound to live closer to him since he has visitation.
Has anyone encountered this before or heard of anyone else who had to do long distance visitation?
I don't think I've ever heard of that kind of visitation being imposed when the child is 31, and you say no financial support being given. If you moved your X would have to take you to court about that if he was so motivated. Most family law attorneys do a one-hour consultation for free; you could go and just meet with an attorney or 2 and get their take on it maybe? Plus, btw the fact he meets with him rarely and often cancels, I would keep track of that too. I can't believe any judge would be in favor of your X...
Check your divorce papers for any kind of stipulation concerning moving from the area. If there isn't any then you are most likely free to move about the country as you please.
My X did tie me to the area when we divorced. As soon as the youngest graduated HS I was out of there in about 3 months time.
I guess if you are totally unsure it can't hurt to get a legal opinion.
Wishing you much good fortune on your move! ~ swl
Look not mournfully into the past. It comes not back again. Wisely improve the present. It is thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy future, without fear. {Henry Wadsworth Longfellow}
I agree - check what is written into the papers. If there is nothing stipulating you have to stay within a certain radius to accommodate Chuck - then there is no reason why you could not move - especially given his history...
I hope the move goes well!
-- Bob
Me 52, STBEX 52 D 17, S 12 M 20 years Em Sep since 2002, Phys Sep Sept 2009
Thanks to each of you for your input. I do not believe there is anything mentioned about moving in any of the paperwork. I can't imagine that anyone would have to stay put when their adult child still has some visitation.
Knowing Chuck - he will still assume it is all about him but in fact - my move is all about me AND Ryan.
I retired last year although I hadn't really expected to quite so soon. I spend more time at my cottage in the nice months than I do at home. My cottage is not handicapped accessible and unsuitable for Ryan. It is also becoming more and more difficult to maintain 2 homes. So I've decided to buy (or build) a home for myself, Ryan and a live-in nurse/caregiver on the lake here. Josh wants to buy the house with me and we've been looking/planning for a couple of months. The move won't take place for another year or possibly more so we still have time to work out all the details. But the decision is made.
My sister works for a family law lawyer so I'm sure she can ask the question. I do find it important to hear what others have experienced with regard to long distance visitation.
I would think of it this way, if Ryan wan't disabled it would be up to them if and or when they saw each other. None of that would be up to you. Since he is way past 18 now, I don't see how he could have ever made visitation mandatory. Maybe things are different in Canada. I hope all goes well for you because you so deserve it.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
What a great plan! I love it...as to the visitation thing...I would look at the agreement first, and then perhaps consult a lawyer. Are you Ryan's legal guardian?
SG
Survival Goddess "The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any." -Alice Walker
Thanks for your good wishes, Wii. Kat - you're right - my other children are both in their 20s and I don't ask them about visitation. They arrange it themselves. Ashley still tries to see her dad but it is down to once a month or 6 weeks. Brandon sees his dad about 4 times a year and that includes Christmas and his birthday. I give my kids credit because it is THEM who makes the arrangements NOT Chuck. And he sees them less because they refuse to have anything to do with maggot.
Visitation with Ryan is now on an every other week for one hour basis and I do not allow him to reschedule if he cancels. Not to be mean - but he was doing it all the time. If Ryan is deemed to not be well enough to see his dad - the nurse lets him know and I do allow a rescheduling if Chuck wants it. Currently he picks up Ryan in the driveway and I have the nurse take him out there and bring him in. I will not allow Chuck into my house. Let's not forget that he was abusive and has difficulty controlling his anger. I will never be subjected to that again.
My hope is that when I move here - Chuck can meet Ryan and the nurse in town (20 min from here) as I don't even want him to know where I live. It is a rural area and I need to feel safe. Silly, perhaps, but it took me YEARS to feel safe here alone and stop worrying that he was going to come after me.
Please don't think that I am being overly dramatic. The history is - Chuck was arrested here for a DUI and we split that day. He told the cops he was going to kill me. They advised me to leave him in jail - not to pick him up because they would not be able to respond quickly enough to the domestic call they WOULD be getting from me that night. SCARY!!!! And I knew nothing about the affair but later my cottage neighbours confirmed that he had brought maggot here before and after that time. YUCK! UGH - she slept in my bed.
