Very good post. I can tell you that, you don't know me. I don't know you. Yes I do have a concern for you and everyone else that posts on this board. I am sorry that all of this has gone with so much back and forth. You have taken me out of my comfort zone. Maybe that is good. I am not a confrontational person.
You asked me to read your thread, I did and I gave you my thoughts. Believe me there is no malice in what I have said. I am not trying to control you or anyone else. We are all here trying to save our marriages and also to save ourselves. I agree that in the end you need to decide these things for yourself.
I think if you were truly done, you wouldn't have asked me to look at your thread or taken me out of my comfort zone. I think that is the part that doesn't sit well with me.
I am done challenging you that much I can assure you. I will still be here, but for the moment I think we should give this all a rest.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
So I'm driving back from the Dr. with my D6 when she asks me, out of the blue "when are you and Daddy going to take care of us at the same time again?". I answered "I don't think we are sweetie". She of course asks "Why?"
Nice. I've been asking stbxH for a time we could talk to them for weeks and he keeps putting it off because he doesn't have a place yet. He says he wants to be able to show them where they're going to be spending 1/2 their time before he explains he's moving out. So, what I WANTED to say to her was "Daddy decided he didn't want our marriage or our family anymore" (and yep, that's anger, I see it).
What I ACTUALLY said was "we both love you guys very much and right now this is just the way it's working out. It's grown up stuff that you guys don't need to worry about, just know that we both, mommy and daddy, love you guys VERY much."
She thought about it for a minute, then asked (prompted by the fact that today is my sister and BILs anniversary) what stbxH and I would be doing for our anniversary (later this month). I replied "probably nothing". She, of course, asks "Why?". And I answer "mommy and daddy are doing things on our own right now, instead of together." She says "oh, Ok."
So I called stbxH and told him about the convo and he's finally agreed that we'll talk to them when he gets back from his vacation. He's gone for a week, and has offered to give me a solid week too (I'm thinking ROADTRIP!) ... other than that we're keeping the regular schedule for August.
So, other than that, things are good! I'm finally on vacation ... whooooo hooooooo! 6 weeks off to enjoy my kids and hopefully get my house in order for my new beginning in the fall when he moves out. I really should take pics and post them on the alt ... the house is so disorganized and messy and dirty ... it's been exhausting to come home to it after 3 days away each week. I'm really hoping to use this time for a fresh start.
Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
I stand because I know that this person who comes home each night is not the same person I have known for over 20 years.
I stand because I want my children to know that love is unconditional and that sometimes marriage takes work.
I stand because I came from a broken home and know how painful that was.
I stand because God hates divorce and calls me to continuously forgive my H's remarks, attitude, and actions.
I stand because I vowed to love my husband until death.
I stand because I know that my H is in far more pain than I am and will need my support when the walls crash down on him.
I stand because I know that throwing away our family is not really what will bring my h happiness.
Wow!! I LOVE this, this is exactly why I stand, even though my husband reminded me last week he definitely is 100% done. .... We have a gym "date" this saturday..Baby steps right? Although he says I always get my hopes up when he's just trying to be civil for the kids. BS?? I don't know. But I can't throw away 14 yrs just like that, not with 2 daughters and an angel on the way.
M:28 H:30 DD-9| DD-7| Baby- Due 11/10 T-14 | M-8
10/08- Bomb 4/09- Failed attempt at Marriage Fitness Program 3/10- WH moved out. 7/10- Informed me he's filing in Aug
Wow!! I LOVE this, this is exactly why I stand, even though my husband reminded me last week he definitely is 100% done.
I'm sure you're familiar with believe non of what they say and only 1/2 of what they do! The important thing is to not react when he says this. If you can't avoid it, validate with something like "I'm sorry you feel that way" and leave it at that.
Originally Posted By: 2gthrButApart
.... We have a gym "date" this saturday..Baby steps right? Although he says I always get my hopes up when he's just trying to be civil for the kids. BS?? I don't know.
Exactly! You don't know. And can't know. My only caution here would be to make sure that he's not right. Do you have expectations surrounding these outings? If so ... stop. You're only setting YOURSELF up for a fall. Your expectations are not his fault or his responsibility. Keep it casual, enjoy it for what it is ... two friends hanging out ... for now. The future is yet to be written ....
Originally Posted By: 2gthrButApart
But I can't throw away 14 yrs just like that, not with 2 daughters and an angel on the way.
Standing will teach you more about yourself than you ever thought possible if you choose to turn inwards during this time. You will discover yourself, your core ... and peace.
Good luck ... and thanks for dropping by
Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
I stand because I know that this person who comes home each night is not the same person I have known for over 20 years.
I stand because I want my children to know that love is unconditional and that sometimes marriage takes work.
I stand because I came from a broken home and know how painful that was.
I stand because God hates divorce and calls me to continuously forgive my H's remarks, attitude, and actions.
I stand because I vowed to love my husband until death.
I stand because I know that my H is in far more pain than I am and will need my support when the walls crash down on him.
I stand because I know that throwing away our family is not really what will bring my h happiness.
Wow!! I LOVE this, this is exactly why I stand, even though my husband reminded me last week he definitely is 100% done. .... We have a gym "date" this saturday..Baby steps right? Although he says I always get my hopes up when he's just trying to be civil for the kids. BS?? I don't know. But I can't throw away 14 yrs just like that, not with 2 daughters and an angel on the way.
Glad it made somebody happy. I thought it was good too.
