New Game- Exposed

[steady]

DanceQueen, I really can appreciate where you are coming from. I'd like to address what you wrote. Let me preface it by saying I don't think you're wrong. What you wrote is a potential of many possibilities.

CD - I am sorry to jump in on your thread when you probably don't know who I am ... and I rarely post any more but ... I wanted to comment on the age issue.

I know you said that you "thought long and hard" about whether you were marrying "her" or "a 25 year old"...however, the problem in this scenario is that most 25 year olds cannot think long and hard about the future. Regardless of their maturity level, they simply do not have the life experience to be able to project into the future and know how they might feel.

In reality none of us can project into the future to figure out how we're going to feel. All we do is take how we are feeling now and project that into the future and assume we will feel the same. I say this is nonsense. How we feel about something always changes.

How many people on this board pre-bomb were absolutely convinced an A was a complete deal breaker? Then when it happens they actually feel different. I once said when a woman wants to leave I'll just let her go. Well, I didn't have kids then and the only experience I had was in R and not a marriage. I know 25 year olds who have more wisdom than some 50 year olds and vice versa. Blanket statements never work.

I'm sorry to add my thoughts here, because I know you are not going to like this and it might hurt (so (((((here's some hugs))) in advance)....but it probably would be best to let her go on her way. Now, she may still come back around eventually, on her own. But...as gently as I can say it...even if she does come back, she will likely leave again in the future. No matter what she may have said about the age issue when you married her, she is going to feel different when she is 45 and you are 63. She might have thought it wouldn't matter to her, but it will.

Is she leaving him for the age difference? It's impossible to know for sure. She may have a subconscious reason that's based on age and even she wouldn't even know it. Again, this is trying to predict the future. I have never read any studies on the probability of 20 year age difference M survivability, but that means nothing also. Who is going to tell you for certain which percentage you are going to be in?

Divorce seems to be a 50/50 gamble. How would anyone know beforehand which side of the equation they will end up on? I couldn't have ever guessed how I would feel at 45 when I was 25. I can say perhaps this is how you think you might feel in that situation, but you wouldn't know unless you married someone 20 years your senior, then got to the age of 45, then tell us. But even then, that would only be your experience.

Can you at least just think about this suggestion, without letting it rock your world or your DB-ing? Can you just let it be one of the many suggestions you have received here, and try to give it some of your mental real estate without it freaking you out?

I would hate to see you reconcile, only to have her leave again in the future...

DanceQueen

I'm sure there are many instances of big age differences working out wonderfully and other instances where it doesn't. I'm a firm believer you can find proof of anything if you are looking for it.

Couldn't we say something similar to everyone on this board? You know, they walked away from you once, you may reconcile just to have them walk away from you again. They've already shown they are capable of it. I know you think you can forgive them for having an affair but you really never will. It will always be there in the back of your head hovering like a hammer ready to drop.

There are no guarantees in life one way or another. (Except for the obvious)