I used a db coash before and I didn't find them much help other than having someone to talk to...
And they had to endorse the MDW approaches specifically, they can't go outside of that...
I think MWD would tell you to ignore his protests of "it's over", but I think its important to not accept him working "on the relationship" and only work "on the marriage"
If you accept his participation with HIS understanding that he can exit the marriage because of how he feels then you are validting his exit I think.. And I don't know if you want to be doing that...
If he says I want to learn how to be your friend after the divorce, lets work on that... you would likekly tell him to get lost... WHcih is what he's saying from my take on it...
You have two choices there :
a. Accept his work hoping it will change his attitude towards the marriage b. Reject his work until he offers it as an effort to repair the marriage spcifically
My concern as I said is that if you accept his effort it may be sending a message to him that you accept his cowardly exit and are just going through the training of how to get along aftr the divorce... It may steer him towards divorce if he takes your acceptance the wrong way...
I suppose you could tell him
a. Learning to work together as a married couple and as a divorced couple isnt' that much different.. we have to do the same things... its just mroe expensive after divorce since we have to pay for two homes instead of one.
And hope the work changes his attitude... I am pretty hard minded about formal commitments and stuff, I dont' much care for wafflers playing word games like he's doing... So my instinct is to say hit him hard and fast that If he's going to walk out that the family does not want his involvement at all in hwo things happen after that... But then you would need support from son and daughter on that...
I think he has an unrealistic image of what divorce is going to be like... and we may have to attack that directly in order to dispell it...
I think he thinks his life is going to be less work and less responsability if he's divorced
