I just don't believe that the initial rush of infatuation can be sustained. In fact, I know that it is impossible.
Well, no it cannot, and it would be utterly nerve wracking if it went on forever. On the one hand you are excited, on the other hand you are always wondering if it is really going anywhere, and you are trying to get to know somebody for the first time, so everything about them is new.
After a while, everything about them is not going to be new or exciting
But the passion can ebb and flow, and the comfort and the support of real love is more than worth the effort for two people to work at keeping it going, IMHO.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
You are correct. That rush cannot be sustained. But when the full-on rush fades, it is still possible to rekindle that flame on occasion to keep the excitement going inside an older MATURE LOVE Relationship/Marriage. However, if there is NEVER any inkling of the excitement or rush (regardless of how samll), 'some' people open themselves to finding it outside the marriage rather than looking deeper (which requires work) INSIDE the marriage. And the BIG RUSH of a new R is apples to oranges over the more familiar "inside the M" rush. BUT the BIG RUSH cannot be sustained, as we have agreed.
That is why Affairs break up so often and the Infidelity folks expose to push that effect.
An affair (or what is also sometimes referred to as MLC) is a drug addiction. Some are more susceptible than others. Like any addiction.
"The fog" which is spoken of is the failure to recognize/acknowledge any of the above and/or be under the influence of the "Love Drug (PEA)" which prevents ANY analysis of the above. I would also consider that the attitude of "R's run theit course and that's that" IS a attributeable and a symptom of the same "fog"
Ah, The "fog." But does not the "Sun" dissipate the "Fog?"
For a moment consider, human beings living in a underground cave since childhood. Their legs and necks chained so that they cannot move. Prisoners. The mouth of their prison opens toward the light and behind them a fire. So, all that they could see would be shadows.
Their reality would be literally nothing but the shadows of what is going on behind their backs.
Now, suppose we were to release these "prisoners" and lead them out of the mouth of the cave. At first, would not, the sun be harsh to their eyes? Painful and irritating. And confusing, as they would not fully understand their new reality and, simultaneously, not be able to see the "realities" of the shadows of their former captivity.
Yet, their eyes will grow accustom to the light. At first, focusing on shadows, then reflections, then objects themselves. Till eventually he would be able to look into the light. The sun.
At that point, he no longer would be able to see in his old habitat but now would be able to contemplate the meaning of this new existence, which offers more than that of living in darkness.
Certainly. I think that it would better to suffer and experience that which is foreign than to entertain false notions and live in a miserable manner.
Ah, The "fog." But does not the "Sun" dissipate the "Fog?"
The "Sun" (light/love) warms the air so the temperature rises above the dewpoint (ILYBNILWY). "Fog" seems to like darkness. Hard to grow in the dark also.
"you can deal with this or you can deal with that, this or that?"
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I think that it is a dangerous assumption that keeps LBS from moving on. The whole idea that a spouse is "in a fog," "not themselves right now," or otherwise "insane," just because they don't want to be with us anymore.
I wholeheartedly agree!
Originally Posted By: Kimmie Lee
Most humans don't really want the depth and comfort of longevity. It's boring to them. They want the excitement back.
Yet I very recently read of a survey (I forget where) that said the overwhelming majority of men polled listed "Wanting to be in a close, intimate, lifelong relationship with a woman," as #1 desire.
Originally Posted By: Kimmie Lee
I believe that most relationships simply run their course and that is all there is to it.
I dunno. That seems awfully fatalistic. But, statistically, you may well be right...
I used to be a fatalist until I realized there was nothing I could do about it.
Peace,
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
"you can deal with this or you can deal with that, this or that?"
Hamburgers. "Is your boyfriend gay? I think he is gay he just doesn't know it, yet," Ferdinand said to Isabella, "I think you are swimming in too deep of waters." It was 1492. Columbus sailed the ocean blue in search of hamburgers.
It was a foggy morning. It only took him two years to convince her to let him go. Sailing for hamburgers, and flies, and money. This or that, he would ask her, "this or that?" He was the only man that could make her scream, "Money." There is a fly on my hamburger. There should be a law against me being in love. I am too fickle. I had a mid-life-crisis at twenty. I used it to blame it on my indiscretions of money. Big Mac and a Coke. No Coke. Pepsi.
If I had a dime for every time we fought over money we wouldn't be fighting over money, honey. If I could get her to blame it on "the fog" I'd be golden. Like fries and arches and rings. If I could get her to get back on the table, or at least wear those high heels again.
Pat, fat, drunk and twenty nine is no way to go through life my father told me. Little did he know I was the best damn sailor east of the west Indies. "Great Admiral of the Ocean" laying the queen. Cheese turds. I tried. But couldn't keep it together.
Was thinking about how hard we LBS try to "win our WAS back and It brought me to remember the scene in Ground Hog Day with BillMurray.
He tried so desperately to save the homeless man but each tme he tried something different the man would always end up dying.
He would not accept the fact that it was the man's time to die.
We LBSs need to let go of the notion that we will have out M back. Doing so we accept the situation and grow as individuals.
If they come back great, if not we still need to continue to grow as an individual.
I am totally convinced my M is over but still have a great R with my kids. The pain does go away. And like many say here, Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you?
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
Hey gr8, Ground Hog Day is the one movie a coworker of mine recommended as the ultimate movie for what we are all going through and if you think about it he is right.
Bill Murray goes through all kinds of stages in the movie (hedonistic, manipulative, depressed, suicidal etc.) but what really works for him and gets him the girl is his becoming the best person he can be. He doesn't do it to try and get the girl (that failed miserably). He just accepts his lot in life and works on himself. He learns piano, he takes care of others, he just becomes a great confident guy and when he does people find that very attractive and woman fight for him.
When you're feeling down, I highly recommend watching this movie!
Me48 WAW46 M24 yrs S24 D21 D19 EA disc 6/09 2nd EA Fall 09 I move out 11/12/09 W and I switch 1/14/10 D Filed 3/17/10 W moves in with OM 6/8/10 D Final 6/21/10
