You've heard it all already so I don't have much to add (I KNOW! ... go figure! ) but I wanted to let you know that I agree ... you are a hell of a dad. Your instinct is to fix and figure out how to try to make it better but Grace's advice, via Grit, is bang on. Respect your D's wishes and boundaries and let your W worry about the damage that may be done to their R. It's theirs to figure out.
Little Friday is only two days away man! Chin up!
Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
Hey DW!!! My Son seems to be doing okay, he starts Advanced classes this year and this was a huge boost to his ego b/c 2 years ago we held him back in second grade. Now instead of struggling he is exceling in school. Both the kids are getting a little anxious about school but I think the routine will be good for them.
Summer is blowing by too quick. My D13 is big time into soccer and that has started up in ernest now, I love to watch her play, she is playing at level that is as high as you can get for her age.
As far as the sitch with my wife goes it is about the same but I am going to go way dim leading up to the date that she can file. As you can read from my last post, my daughter pretty much laid down a very clear boundary with my wife. "As long as you are dating OM#1 or any other man I will not have a relationship with you." D13 did it without emotion, kept her cool and just laid it out there. Totally pissed my W off.
You want to know the wonderful thing about my D13 is....she did it out of Love. I did a little GALing last night, and came home and D13 was still up, of course she wanted to know how my evening went. We talked for a bit and the subject of Mom came up and she said she still loves mom and wants her back and further more wants ME and Mom to reconcile and our family to be whole. But if Mom makes these choices then she cannot accept them and cannot have a relationship with her.
Wow.....my kid just did a Dobson/Cloud-Townsend Tough Love / Boundary thing that I have tried a couple of times and failed at.
Nothing else new to report but feeling pretty good about myself and the changes I have made. It does get easier as time wears on, I still have down moments here and there but they are short lived and not so often.
Happy Little Friday !!! Cheers
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
Would you expect anything different from your D13? Of course she wants her parents to be together. Right now the least painful path for D13 is to lay down that boundary.
SA & DW, You know it is funny that you both posted to me tonight, I was thinking of posting something but I didn't feel like I had much to post. In fact I have been more preoccuppied with everyone else's sitch lately.
There was a time not too long ago that I would have posted about the hour my W was here tonight (pic on the alt), now it just seems normal that my W will hang out with me and drink a couple of beers. The friendship is there, it is not where I would like but it is there.
The trust is building between us but yet she went somewhere this past weekend propably with OM#1, she had a lot of sun, he has a place at the beach and a boat. Very likely she was with him, >>>>>whatever<<<<< don't care, really I don't, it is a funny feeling. I still love her, deeply, but I was okay this weekend, maybe this is "detachment" not sure. I feel myself moving through this and I am not even trying.
DW....your question.....hit it on the head........but I don't feel like that all the time, that is.......waiting to see what is going to happen. I have reached a point that if she files for D on Aug 26, I will be okay, in fact I know that I will probably continue to stand.......
......and then......
along comes SA's comment and she......hit on the head also.....
I can look back and see how far I have come, how much better it is between my W and I. I can see something in her eyes (Jack warned me not to put "words into her eyes, LOL) of course I think what I see is love and caring for me. Yes it is what I want to see, I understand that but when I look back at things that have happened I have to conclude that there is something inside of her that still loves me.
I also know that she could very well deny that and she could divorce me or just continue to eat cake indefinitely.
When I weigh everything in totallity I have to beleive she is returning to me.....one day.
She came over tonight to get our S9 to take him out to eat so she could spend time with him before he and D13 go to see my Dad and his wife for 6 days.(it will be over the weekend which her weekend to have him.)
So she shows up looking......well....awesome. Yes I think my W is beautiful, I really think she is better looking today than when we first met. Anyhow it does not make it easy on me, she dresses very sexy now, never used to before MLC. Never wore low cut tops or dresses....now.....you guys get the picture. Anyhow it does not make it easy for me to act somewhat indifferent as if Im not interested,........yep I admit it......
I'm a guy.........I like to look.
Well they run out to get a bite to eat and come back in about 1.5 hours later. I am folding clothes in the kitchen getting the kids ready to go and I am having a beer, so I offer her one. We chat for a bit and things are friendly, I purposely did not let our eyes meet, after all I am trying to go dim (shouldn't have offered the beer dumba$$) It was nice and nothing really happened otherthan she is completely comfortable hanging out here.
Soooooo.......
Why won't she take a step???? What is she waiting for???? I just want to grab her and hold her and tell her how much I love her and that I forgive her and that it will be different, better, unimaginable, and then I sweep her off her feet and........
well the kids are in the house so "that" probably wouldn't happen anyhow.....LOL.
Then I remember.....the squirrel.....I'm trying to feed the squirrel. The squirrel is pretty calm, starting to trust me and drink my beer. I just got to wait.
DW, yes I am waiting.
SA, I don't know about leaps and bounds but.....
Yes I am moving forward.
Cheers
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
) but I wanted to let you know that I agree ... you are a hell of a dad. Your instinct is to fix and figure out how to try to make it better but Grace's advice, via Grit, is bang on. Respect your D's wishes and boundaries and let your W worry about the damage that may be done to their R. It's theirs to figure out.