smm - I read through your posts and the problem I am having is I don't sense your conviction. What do YOU want to happen here? Here's my two cents on a couple of things.
I think that is my problem. Some days I want to work on things and others I want no part of her. If I could have some semblence of the woman I fell in love with I would want to get back together no matter what.
I have gone about and done other things I thought. I am setting up to finish school next year. I have been going out with friends whenever possible. Took S to Disney without W, becasue that is what I wanted to do. She did not want to go, I did so I went. Started playing sports again, doing the things I used to do. I would like to go out more but all of my friends are married with children and usually go out with their wife when they have free time.
Originally Posted By: LRT Land
anniversary - do not buy a card or a gift. If not out of the norm, make dinner. Keep things as status quo as you can. If the day goes well, at the end you can acknowledge it with a "happy anniversary" - if not, don't say anything.
I think I can do that. I have never forgotten before, butthen I am not forgetting this time either, I just do not like how I am being treated.
Originally Posted By: LRT Land
focus - others have commented and it seems to be floating by you. YOU need to focus on YOU. Have your read Divorce Recovery? Your W has a foot out the door. You need to GAL, do 180s and detach. Ultimately, you will end up with an improved relationship or a civil divorce and YOU need to accept either path is ok - because if you are the best YOU can be, the right path will reveal itself.
I have read it but it has been a few months. I have done a lot of 180s and I thought I was detatched, but not so sure anymore. This also seems difficult when we are living under the same roof. I do not know how to act around her.
Originally Posted By: LRT Land
My H and I too were "compartmentalized" - essentially living different lives under the same roof. Completely distant and detached. We've made great strides, but it started with me accepting his pain, acknowledging it and ignoring my own pain and my own needs. Now I focus on each day and take baby steps forward.
This is the way we were when she decided she had enough and left me. Then she came back and I read DR and employed a lot of the things in the book. The problem is now by following some of the stuff in the book I am essentially doing some of the things that drove her away. So wont that work against me? Maybe I am just thick headed or something and just am not getting something I am just lost as to what to do now. If I want to win her back, what is it I need to accept or do? I not work well in print, I am a much better communicator in verbal form. I wish I could afford to talk to a coach or something. I realize that there is something I am just not understanding and I think it will take someone to verbally explain. Thanks for your help.
