Coping every day

[LRT Land]

Susan - once he realizes you aren't going to fight with him, that you've told him you don't want to hurt him anymore (it seems to be helpful to say this) and you continue to be kind - that's the first step. Second, compliment him or his appearance. When you feel the tension ease, take it a step further - touch his arm, shoulder, head. Then, sit by him while he's watching tv or in bed or whatever feels easiest for you (for me it was TV - my H loves TV). I didn't talk about what I was going to do, I basically just laid down next to him on the couch and grabbed the goods!

I wouldn't worry about him thinking you are being manipulative. I suspect he is feeling very unloved and hurt at this point, and by showing him physical attention you will get a reaction. I don't think these guys (sorry guys for the generalization) think about it past the physical release. But if you get that, then you get closer to what emotional things they can offer you, and then it becomes a win-win.

Hope that helps.