The trouble I have with detaching is it reinforces her image of me as a "stoic" unemotional robot. But I am far from that. She wants me to share my emotions, but I simply can't with OM still in the picture.
Honestly, this really isn't a problem.
Initially, it may reinforce what she thinks of you. Who you were.
However, as you detatch, you will be able to show her a side of you that doesn't have as much hurt and animosity, and more true feelings. A happy CNS. A contentent CNS. A peaceful CNS. A nonjudgemental CNS.
That will also make her angry for a while. Then, you will find that her interactions with you may begin to change a bit in response to the new you.
The butterfly effect...
We all worry that our actions will make it worse, push them away, because they won't know we love them...but they will know it eventually.
Don't let your fear of what you think she will perceive stop you from doing what you need to do for you.
Read the resources. Read the threads. Then reread them. And reread them. It isn't a glossing over understanding that you need to have with this, it is a real, honest, deep understanding. That is going to help you get through this.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
