Why he did it? He was in love with her fb2, Crazy for her. Sold us ALL out beause of his feelings for her. Those feelings were intense, just didnt last long enough for him to completely detach from me. The timing was good for me, better for his own good. A few months later, it would have been too late...
He didnt feel he had any other choice. Later, he was trying to get away with it and not get caught since he had gotten away until that moment... No excuses. None whatsoever, he f@cked up more than I could ever imagine. Does he deserve my forgiveness? Maybe, maybe not. I am very cautious and allow myself "small positive steps" forward... K
His surpise for me today was a flat TV for our bedroom and a Blue ray video. He had gotten a monitor instead of a Tv and I had to go to the shop... Poor man. Electronics anyone? It must be a new Love Language or something...Some habbits die hard
Kalni, I have to be honest and say I do not know your whole sitch. But let me tell you that some of what you are saying is the little voice that comes in my head too. But unfortunately there are questions we both have that will have to wait. My W I believe. (And this is NO excuse for what she did) was and is going through a MLC/ Menopause/ and low self esteem issues. That is what I believe drove her to make that unwise, not thinking choice. Today she is a different person. She still has her esteem issues and I think a little MLC left in her. BUT three years ago I would have NEVER expected her to be back in our bedroom. It may not seem fast enough (I know how you feel) that our spouses are making this return trip from LA LA land.. But they are coming back… look at the positives … I don’t think this is very easy for them. Even though WE think it would be easy.
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
"His surprise for me today was a flat TV for our bedroom and a Blue ray video. He had gotten a monitor instead of a Tv and I had to go to the shop... Poor man. Electronics anyone? It must be a new Love Language or something...Some habbits die hard frown" You are funny! Yes, he speaks "electronics" but sometimes the words come out garbled. At least he's showing his love in the best way he knows ;-) I remember one year a long time ago I bought my W a big TV (not flat but quite bulging in those days) out of the goodness of my heart - and I also wrapped the big bulging think up and all I got was angry ingratitude; so next year I got diamond earrings - same result. So remember to thank the "poor man" and drop very gentle hints later for what you really want!
fb2, 3 days ago we were window shopping and I showed him a ...purse (told you some habbits die hard). I said "get it for me my love", with a giigle, he said "sure, do you really like it?"... Yetsreday he said" "I was going to get you the purse as well but the store was closed". LOL... whatever.
Dr. Love, what you are saying about being hard for them too: I am having difficulty finding so much compassion for my H to where I would feel at ease with what he does and not want more. Somehow, in my head, compassion is one thing and getting a free pass is another. If those WAS that return dont man up or woman up at some point, it will not work out. A R cant be running on one spouses' fuels for ever. As long as there is progress,it is good. But progress because of their doings as well. Not because we again give our 150%... Do I make any sense?
YES you make perfect sense and I totally understand where you are coming from. I too feel that I have given 150% more that most husbands would have given. (Of course there are some here that I can't compare too) but...... Just like I cannot really tell you what to do or what I would do if I was in your situation BECASUE I am NOT YOU. I have not experienced you what you have in life. Each of us has our own baggage that we carry around. We can’t really say what our spouses should do or what we would do if we were them. First of all I would NOT have been in their situations in the first place. Not that I have not had the opportunity... I just made a better judgment call at the time. With my first wife... Well she became hooked on drugs without my knowledge (cocaine). One day she just took off and left me with a three month old baby girl and a three year old toddler. AND I let her go. I raised my girls by myself until I met my current wife. I still wonder to this day what life would have been like if I had perused my EX. If I would have put half the effort I put into this marriage to try to get her help instead of just let her crash and destroy her life last I heard she is living in the street somewhere up north. Unfortunately some of us I think were put on this earth to be the helpers of others. If we all were as good as you and I then there would be no need for marriage councilors or police or judges or Wars for that matter. YES THEY DO NEED TO “MAN OR WOMAN UP”… and I believe it will happen someday. They know what they did. And as much as we want to hear them say it… is it really for their good or ours? What part of DBing taught me was how “needy” I really was. How really UN attractive that can be. I wanted to hear praise from my wife... I needed to “Hear” it… But then after DBing for awhile I realized sometimes we can hear things without our ears…My dad was a great example... he was “Old school” you know “Men are Men”…and this was great .. But I do not think he EVER told me he loved me. But you know what? I know he did. He didn’t have to say it. So I guess what I am trying to say is that I think my wife…your husband are sorry for what they did. They know how they hurt us...and it shows by things they are doing now for us. AND hopefully someday we will get what we want to hear. To hear them tell us they are sorry…but… do WE really need that to move on? Or is that just icing on the cake? BTW do not allow this post to make you think I am totally with it or am happy about this… I struggle with this every day too...
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Hey K..so what are your vacation plans with H and the kids and when you going away? Wow, will you get 2 whole weeks together? Are you and H still doing that special Santorini weekend as well??
Me and H (lol!) are hoping to come back to Greece early October, but we're not sure whether to fly to Athens, Thessoloniki or Santorini. We want to go back to Naxos as it was so beautiful and relaxing, but there are so many places still to see, we think we ought to try a different island or the mainland around Thessoloniki maybe. Lucky you living there and having it all on your doorstep! Hugs Al xxx
Leaving on August 12th and coming back to Athens on the 26th. We leave Athens again just for a night on Sat 28th to go to a party of a good friend of mine on an island near by (no kids)... Santorini we go on 16-19. I confirmed the reservation yesterday.
Naxos in October will be ...dead and probably windy. I would go to Thessaloniki to see that part of Greece this time.
Today it is a year exactly I found out about his A. That I found out details about his A including pics and letters etc etc. I looked at my thread of that day and all the feelings I felt came back. But I can handle them now. I just wonder, is it a good thing that I let go all that resentment (or most of it)?
Last night it was the day we met 14 years ago. Funny how these dates are so close. I was thinking whether I will ever be able to live and love him with no shadow, no clouds over my heart. I dont know yet if it is possible. It's a sad thing to think that I will alwyas be like "this". No one should have to deal with betrayal. It leaves scars that define your ability to enjoy love. I was thinking what would I do if I could relive that night 14 years ago knowing what happened later on. I dont know if I would want to relive it. I think I would probably never have answered to his call the first time. K
My anniversary was last weekend. I worked my butt off around the house so I didn't have time to dwell on it.
I think subconsciously I have been though. I have been down all week, crying over little things. My friend's 10th anniversary was just a few days before, and then today my xSIL and her BF announced their engagement (he actually asked her on Friday). Then I'm going to a friend's wedding in a couple weeks.
I am so jaded about M now though. Yet I'm jealous of everyone who's made it work.
It is good for you to let go of the resentment. It's a heavy burden to bear. The only person resentment hurts is you. It holds you back. Your H feels guilty on his own, w/o the resentment.
Have fun on your vacations. That'll be so nice for you guys to have some family and couples time.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
(((((((Maria)))))))