Bub was very brave at vaccinations - cried when the needles went in, but was quickly settled. Great! She's now sleeping with a smile on her face, so I figure she's going to be fine.
So ...journaling: I picked WH up from the train station so he could come along and support me support our baby get her injections... He tried to get in the back seat with her but there was stuff all over the seat (never rides up front with me! Guess he's trying to tell me something with that - like, uh, he's not there for ME! ) so I made him get in the front, which he seemed disappointed about. I guess he felt he was betraying OW or sad he was not going to ride next to our baby! Or both!
At the centre, he was not super focussed & not intuitive about what he needed to do to make a smooth ride for me...and I guess it reminded me of when we were together - I would often have to 'organise' him. He started taking pitures of her and I had to remind him to keep her settled, and finally said 'this day is about her, not you'. Clueless. Immature. And he's 40!
Even when she was about to be injected (and it was super stressful at this pont as there were hundreds of screaming babies and even the nurses were stressed) I caught him about to take a photo and, sorry, but I gave him a dirty look!! I mean, OK if he was a great Dad and wanted to document an important day, but he's so disconnected I thought it was just a bit wrong, and even a bit desperate that that he'll take pictures of just about ANYTHING.
Then lo and behold, afterwards in the foyer, he asked me if I want him to take a picture of me and bub. I say "OK". Not sure why. I don't trust him to be doing anything for ME - so there's some ulterior reason he wants to this photo... I suspect so he can show our mutual friends/family what co-operative co-parents we make! Call me cynical.
Why do I keep feeling like I have fallen into a damage-control PR trap?
Anyways, he left as soon as we got bub home. I asked him if he was staying longer at the house - he said no, so I quietly but directly showed him the door. I told him to write a plan of when he wants to see her next. He said, well it's pretty easy cos I'll only be seeing her two more times (as of Friday I am going to the mountains for a ski week with parents and family friends...not that I can imagine hitting the slopes between feeds with this depleted body!!), which is the case unless I let him come to see her every day in his final week in the country...
I cannot imagine what is going on in his head right now. Luckily I am enthralled with my baby and don't care as much as I used to.
Odd that he was taking pictures of all that! You're stressed, all the babies are fussing, the nurse is frazzled - and you've got action-cam WH snapping away. Weird! It must have finally dawned on him that he's not going to be around for important moments. Who knows?
So does he have a job all lined up in Europe? Or is he going back to look for one? Where's he staying in Australia? With friends? Just curious...
Glad you're bonding with the baby. They're SO easy to fall in love with!
It is very difficult to trust anything the wh's do. I can remember my h asking if he could see the kids and visit with them some months ago. my usual response was sure in the house,. but this time i said sure i'll have them ready for you to pick up.
guess what?
he never showed! give the man what he wants do a 180 and he still didn't see his kids, i know he was like hmm she's bsing me, or something is going on, and he was SCARED, to this day he has never ever been alone with both kids, and son is now 5 1/2 months old.
I wouldn't even ask him where he is staying, just about his job and child support if it works similarily as usa.
sorry to bug you guys, it's been a rough day and week is getting more stressed with me back to work-summer is gone teachers back to work, my 1st x h is still bitter.....
Me 39 H 30 d 18 previous marriage d 2.5 with H s 4.5months with H Seperation Nov09 july i'm dim to dark - set internal deadline
Did your bub get a fever afterward? S did...for half a day. of course we gave him baby tylenol. And I never heard of pics being taken of baby's first vaccinations!
Piano, it was good of you to let him go along. You are being so civil!
I hope you feel better now! (illness)
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
NM, she did get a little fever, so I gave her baby paracetamol. She's dandy this morning, so don't worry too much G!
SR, he's stayed with the same friends of ours (well, family friends of mine to be pedantic) since the bomb at Christmas... needless to say, I am not too keen on them anymore b/c of the associated memories and I cannot get the first message the W relayed to me out of my head - "Basically he doesn't love you anymore, hasn't for a long time and should have ended it years ago but stayed to please you and everyone else". Script maybe, but yowch anyway.
WH went back to Europe a few weeks ago to interview for jobs...nothing on offer yet but something might turn up after summer. He's been unemployed for the most part since the bomb...this from a guy who was brilliant and always excelled. I guess it's hard to get top jobs at 40?
So I imagine he is going to be poor there and bunk in with OW in her studio apartment. Where all his stuff is going, I don't know but he's still asking me for this or that CD..it's hard to undo 15 years of combined stuff in such short time.
I am low again today. I just don't know WTF I am doing allowing this guy ANY 'fringe benefits' with my civility...- this guy who is rooting OW, going to live overseas permenantly with her, leaving me to raise the baby he wanted and we planned and I had fertility treatment for to raise on the other side of the world where we decided to move TOGETHER. And he just BAILS on ALL THAT????
So I am obviously using this thread to vent at the moment...
recap of practical matters: The apartment is packed up now and on the rental market. I am at my mothers crammed into a comfortable but small bedroom with bub. We are very well looked after and are welcome as long as I want to stay... I think my mum hopes forever, lol! WH is all but nearly packed up and ready to leave the country for good. There have been no discussions about the future in terms of child support or where baby & I will eventually live -- I think this is on hold until WH finds a job and we know where we are at. I am on maternity leave until Feb 2011 - any time after that my job is waiting for me - I can actually take 2 years mat leave if I wanted (unpaid, of course). WH is still helping me with my citizenship. I have enough money thanks to govt assistance to get by living with my folks.
Piano....sometimes, YES, life IS that screwed sometimes. The only thing that helped me feel better when I was really low was to think of people worse off than I and then to think of all the good things I had in my life...it was very hard to do, BUT...it did help.
How to say goodbye? Hmmm. I have 2 thoughts:
1)READ him a letter that you have written with all the good, bad and the ugly. I say read because he could delete the email or throw the letter away. I say a letter so that it is organized and you don't forget anything.
2)Make the goodbye quick and to the point: "Thanks for bub, F-you for incredibly difficult life you have given us both. Have fun being free with OW to live your selfish life."
OK maybe not those exact words. But either short and brief or spell it all out!!!! Those are my ideas.
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
) so I made him get in the front, which he seemed disappointed about. I guess he felt he was betraying OW or sad he was not going to ride next to our baby! Or both!
Glad to hear it!